“Electric flesh-arrows…traversing the body. A rainbow of color strikes the eyelids. A foam of music falls over the ears. It is the gong of the orgasm.” ~ Anais Nin.

I humbly wish for fabulous orgasms for all women. Free, fun, deep, connected, ecstatic, profound, lighthearted, and divine orgasms. Perhaps that’s why this perfect video crossed my path: so I could share it with the world. Whatever our genders or preferences, this (tasteful) instructional video might just change our sex lives forever. Layla Martin nails it (see what I did there).

She busts the myth that women are born either with or without the ability to experience orgasm through intercourse, and she explains how it can be learned, step-by-step. She also helps navigate the way around rookie mistakes for both partners with humor and grace.

For many, talking about sex and orgasms can bring about a different, far less pleasant form of hot flush: shame. We all have fears of not being good enough, performance anxiety, and sensitivity around the profound vulnerability that comes with this kind of connection.

The wonderful news is that finding our way to orgasm with a loving partner can be a pathway to deep healing. As with everything emotional, psychological and spiritual, the more we’re willing to wander into the scary places, the more we can learn, integrate, and heal. What I’m learning is that sex can be both deeply profound as well as lighthearted and fun, all at once. I’m stoked to start escaping the trap of “either/or,” and embracing what’s possible it the world of “both/and.”

Pause for real talk: I seriously hesitated about writing this article because of my academic background and because of the work I do around climate change. Frankly, I’m aware that someone Googling me in the future might find an article I’ve written about sex and dismiss me as a not-serious person. In academia, we don’t talk about orgasms unless we are sex scholars, and I am not a sex scholar. I’m an urban planner. But when I came across this video, I felt compelled to share it, and I’ve found myself really passionate about doing justice to this topic. I’m also a healer and wellness practitioner, and here’s the thing: sexual health is critical to every human being, it’s a major point of pain for many people, and it’s therefore an incredibly important place to focus our healing attention.

I believe that if we were all having healthier, better sex, the world as a whole would be a much more serene, peaceful, and joyous (and sustainable) place. Sex is part of the journey, and it gets to be part of the conversation. So here’s to all healthy expressions of sexuality, and all intelligent information and education to help light the way. And as Mae West said, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”

Onward.

For readers feeling alone in the struggle, know this: “In the last 20 years, the most commonly asked question from women writing into Cosmo magazine was, ‘How do I have an orgasm from intercourse?’” And now there’s an answer.

I took notes from the video (shared at the end of the post)—here’s the low down:

Part 1: Get the right kind of stimulation from your partner:

1. Pace yourself.
2. Use the correct technique (steady and smooth pressure and sensitivity).
3. Hit the right spots (G-spot or cervix).
4. Spend enough time.
5. Don’t mix it up (stay the course).
6. Pay attention to energy (and be there for her).

Part 2: Train yourself and your sexual capacities:

1. Develop your sensitivity.
2. Self-pleasure with inner orgasms (train your brain and your body).
3. Heal any pain or tenderness (sexual healing).
4. Open your expectations.
5. Develop your capacity.
6. Learn to trust and surrender.

Looking over parts 1 and 2, I’ve realized these are some pretty decent instructions for life and for relationships in general—how we relate to other people: hold space, stay the course, and pay attention to energy.

This is also about what we do for ourselves: develop our sensitivity, train our minds and bodies, do healing work, open to possibilities, develop our capacities and learn to trust and surrender.

Boom. I think Layla Martin just solved life in general. Well done, sister.

May we all have healthy, loving, and connected sexual experiences!

“I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a hot-gushing, butt-cramping, gut hosing orgasm.”
~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Ready? Okay, let’s pour ourselves a glass of vino and get comfy.

And then get rowdy.

Here’s the video!

Relephant read (one of our best ever articles!):

6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex. ~ Zoë Kors

Bonus video!

Author: Erin McMorrow

Editor: Renée Picard

Image: screenshot