From 500 miles away she asks me for an orgasm.

“What would you do to me?” she says.

I panic, but manage to speak…

“Between my thumb and first finger I roll your right nipple. The other one is in my mouth keeping my tongue company. You begin touching yourself, coaxing yourself,” I reply.

“Does it bother you that I touch myself?” she asks, her breath heavy.

“Yes. It bothers me in the best of ways. It bothers me all the way to inspiration.”

The first rule of talking sexy is: Never to say “no.”

She asked if it bothered me that she touched herself. Had I said “no” it would have slowed the action and cooled us down. That is what “no” does. I found a way to say “yes.”

Because “yes” fuels the fire, it inspires sex and makes it likely you will have more enjoyable sex.

When you are in love and turned on your heart is a hostage. It belongs to your lover. To make this hostage situation the best possible say “yes.”

A friend of mine visited Osho, the wise and funny guru. He offered her the assignment to say only “yes” for 24 hours. She reported that what followed was the best day of her life.

Find new ways to say “yes” and you will tap into your inner sexual expression and energy.

The second rule of talking sexy is: Don’t edit.

Often it is the surprising word, not the “right” word that is sexy.

I want to put my _______ between your legs.

Leg, elbow, mind, penis, love, self: any of these words would do, but each will generate a different sexual flavor or degree of juiciness. Be creative.

If you are writing a book then edit like crazy, but when you are talking sexy let your words be perfect. Let them flow from you with the confidence of love. Love is inclusion, include more as you speak.

Editing is trying to say it just so, instead let it flow. Editing doesn’t work during sex and it doesn’t work while talking sexy either. There is no need to be careful in expressing your love since love is who you are.

In romance, love and sex you learn faster than you limit. Making you less limited on the way to unlimited. You dare before you understand, and you are dominated by waves of hot sexy romance urging you to express freely.

When you don’t edit you feel like a teen with a first crush, like a young lover reaching out for a first kiss or an 82 year old holding hands with his bride of 60 years.

Time doesn’t count when it comes to romance, we are all beginners!

The third rule of sexy talking is: Compliments are foreplay.

Always compliment and you will reveal deep romantic/personal connections.

Talking sexy begins with outrageous and plentiful compliments.

Your breasts are lovely.

I swoon at the tone of your voice.

You look taller in that shirt.

You smell so good.

Compliments become sexual innuendoes leading to walls falling down and better sex. Compliments are oral sexual expression.

The more often you compliment the more likely it is that you will receive a touch, a kiss or more.

Tell your partner more often than not how wonderful they are. See their reaction, and feel your own warmth rise.

Bask in the perfection of each other just as you are. And say the things you think they already know. Express yourself no matter what.

A compliment can be as obvious as a Post-It note with something sweet written on it. Or it can be a swell prize, like a pair of used panties left under a pillow. A compliment can even just be leaving the toilet seat down, which says “I know you are here and I care.

Mundane compliments: “That was a great dinner.” Humorous compliments: “I am going to call our friends and tell them what a great lover you are.” Over the top compliments: “You make me feel invincible: taller, younger and like a movie star.” Spiritual Compliments: “My third-eye opened while we were making love.”

All compliments work, and they provide foreplay to continually better sex.

The fourth rule of talking sexy is: Always reach out.

Reach out with your words, fingers and heart. Reach from the unknown parts of you to the unknown parts of them.

Safety is them knowing that you will be there. Let them know that you are there when you/they are scared, pensive, angry or happy.

Let them know you will be there when there is something really great on TV and when they have just eaten half a blueberry cheese cake.

Let them know, like wedding vows, that you are there, sexy for them, hot for them reaching for them however they show up.

It is an incredible mindful practice to be there for someone. Because to be there for someone is to be present.

Reach out unilaterally, in love there is no waiting for a reply.

“I love you” isn’t spoken to get a reply, it is the definitive expression of your unconditional availability.

Reaching out no matter what does wonders for your self esteem. It reveals that you are always already whole. It reveals insecurities to be illusions and who you are to be the essence of love.

Reach out especially when it doesn’t make sense and you obviously can’t. Reaching out then is the sexiest thing you can do. Sometimes it feels like you can’t or you will just die but that is the threshold of really living.

Play this game, take a walk, invite your partner to close his/her eyes. And you be the seeing eye dog. You assist them, being there for them. Then switch roles.

The fifth rule of talking sexy is: Use all your senses.

Spin pictures, sounds, feelings, smells and tastes together in your speech. You are a storyteller, telling the story of your love to your lover, and yourself.

“I see you, and feel a rush of energy from my chest to my loins. I catch the scent of you and swoon. As I approach I listen for your voice, but feel it before I hear it. I feel it open my mind to wanting you in new ways, to thoughts of your knees and ankles. I forget everything but your legs, which I imagine alternately wrapped around me and running, muscles rippling. You taste so good; you are something!”

You are a unique lover.

What sets us apart from dogs, dinosaurs, spirits and frogs is that we know that we are here now and that at some point we won’t be. How we express ourselves in the meantime is what matters. And that is the essence of sexy talking.

As your ratio of sexy talking to regular talking rises you will feel sexier. And you will discover yourself as love.

I want my last words to be sexy ones, and I won’t know they are my last words until it is too late so I may as well express sexy each time I speak. I may as well say “yes,” not edit, compliment, reach out, and use all my senses.

Practice talking sexy and you will soon be walking sexy, feeling sexy and living sexy as well.

As more people talk sexy world peace just might be a little closer—one sexy word at a time.

Relephant Favorite:

The Secret to Unconditional Sex. {Adult}

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Author: Jerry Stocking

Editor: Travis May

Image: Flickr/The Narrotographer