Each online magazine has stipulations for getting paid, perhaps not getting paid much.

But if writers receive a certain amount of views to warrant receiving payment, which I have many times, yet I have never submitted the document to get paid.

Why?

I just asked myself the other day?

At first I gave myself the bullsh*t excuse of “Oh, there’s no pressure for me to write or perform if I get paid.” And it was bullsh*t.

The real truth that came up was me not feeling worthy to be paid for my writing and performing.

Why? Why? Why?

I certainly feel entitled to receiving renumeration for my publicity work, which is my own successful business where I feel I deserved every penny.

But what’s different about the writing and the performing?

Do I feel the same as my culture? Not giving respect to the arts unless the artist is already famous.

I’ve never taken myself seriously with writing and performing no matter how many people told me they were great. Believe me, I’ve also had my share of rejection.

But even with the accolades of my writing I realized I didn’t believe in myself until now.

Oh, this makes me feel so sad. No one, other than myself can make me feel worthy, and I am a very confident person. But I realize now, the lack of belief in myself has been in my writing, my performing and my relationships.

I am just realizing now I am fabulous.

My writing is fabulous. My performing is fabulous and I am fabulous. It feels so new for me to say it. I was never encouraged to say, “I am fabulous” about myself. It was supposed to come from others, but, if I didn’t say it and feel it for myself how could I take it in from others.

I am also courageous.

Courage is another quality I am now taking in. I’ve been told this for years, but now is the first time I am taking this in for myself. It feels wonderful to say, “I am fabulous” and “I am courageous.” It doesn’t feel arrogant it just feels like my truth.

This all came up a few days ago when I realized that many of my articles last year were being rejected by an online magazine I was writing articles for many years.

I reached out to the editor-in-chief and asked why. I was told yes there had been many changes but my articles should not be rejected.

Then this amazing editor asked me if I wanted one of his editors to work directly with me, that would take care of me like I deserved to be taken care of.

Oh my God, I was so thankful and felt so loved and appreciated. And how many editors would do this?

This was the beginning of me saying to myself, “I am worthy of being a writer. I am worthy of having my articles published. And I am worthy of reaching out for help and being heard and seen.”

When this happened I realized there was more beneath the rejections.

My deserving to be paid for my writing.

My deserving to be paid for my performing and deserving to have a good person in my life for an ideal relationship.

So from now on, attention is being paid for my articles, my performing and truly deserving a good person to be in a relationship with.

~

Author: Sherri Rosen

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: wikimedia