I was a 20-year-old virgin when I had my first experience with sex toys.

One of the first times I lay naked with my boyfriend—an experienced lover with a sexual imagination as wild as his personality—he revealed a large green vibrating dildo.

“Well, if you are not ready for me,” he joked, “I have the big, bad, green monster.”

I jumped out of bed not sure if I was offended or scared and ran out of the bedroom. He chased after me wielding the large green penis as it vibrated, laughing playfully.

Clearly, this is not the romantic first-time girls dream about, but even though my first encounter with sex toys was a bit startling, I have not shied away from them. They can be a fun, imaginative way to heighten sexual arousal when both parties feel comfortable with them.

But what is it about sex toys that makes them both fun and functional?

They are naughty, silly and invoke our curiosity—they bring a sort of vulnerability and level playing field. Sure, as women, we may know how to use a vibrator while alone, but instructing our partners on how to use them would make a lot of us feel shy or embarrassed. There’s also the chance that he might end up feeling less confident, less capable, less masculine. 

But if we can incorporate toys in a playful way, we can turn up the fantasy factor outside the bedroom and at the same time help both parties overcome inhibitions in favor of exploration.

It seems it’s the element of surprise that makes sex toys so appealing. It’s a way to explore erogenous zones of our bodies while opening the dialogue about what turns us on in the bedroom without feeling like we are playing a game of 20 questions.

Here are a few of the many ways we can experiment with sex toys and our partners:

• We can use toys to both find and lead our partners to our G-spots.
• We can show them what pace we like best—slow or fast or something in between.
• We can use toys to decide how much or how little penetration do we like.
• We can use them to find out what we need to be ready—like longer foreplay before the act.
• We can explore anal sex slowly if that’s something we are curious about.
• We can switch up the routine if we’ve become stuck in a rut.
• Sex toys are a great way to get ourselves, and each other in the mood.

Most importantly, sex toys open up a dialogue.

The absurdity of them distracts us enough so that we feel a little less self conscious.

As crazy as my first experience was, it taught me a few things. I learned I had to ask for what I wanted and voice my likes and dislikes.

The toy gave me the courage to do this because there was no request I could have made that would have been more ludicrous than a big green penis in the room!

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Relephant: 

A Newbie’s Guide to Using Sex Toys. {Adult}

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Author: Jane Cowles

Apprentice Editor: Dottie Hollingsworth; Editor: Khara-Jade Warren

Image: WillVision/ Flickr

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