For many years, I was a deacon in the Southern Baptist Church and taught adult Bible study.

Tradition has it that Moses was actually given 20 Commandments which were carved onto two tablets. He dropped one and only the Ten Commandments got published.

(Not really—but never ruin a good story with the facts.)

When I left the church to explore a more spiritual path, I found guidance in the principles I learned from multiple near-death experiences. You would think one would be enough, but I actually fell off of a five-story building in college, had a catastrophic head injury playing rugby and have been knocked unconscious repeatedly.

All of these involved having out-of-body experiences and conversations with formless beings. One of the things that having near death experiences teaches you is that we are trained to think inside the box and aren’t inclined to look for the wisdom in every day experiences.

When I compare the 10 Commandments with spiritual principles, it’s obvious to me that there are important life lessons not contained in these rules and regulations. The information I received during my near-death experiences altered the way I look at life and allowed me to have a sense of humor—at a time when so many people are losing theirs.

After all, life can be hard, but it’s also fun. So learn to find wisdom and humor in the world with my list of Lost Commandments:

1. No one gets out of here alive. Quit taking life so seriously. Make mistakes, drink wine and dance naked. When people have lost their smile, give them one of yours.

2. Religion was a prank. We were supposed to laugh and say “OMG, you can’t be serious?!”

3. God does not want an up close and personal relationship with anyone. That is why he is God. Don’t take this personally. Don’t take anything personally.

4. Thou shalt not circumcise anyone under 21 years of age. If you are going to modify perfection, at least be old enough to know what you are doing. Only religions believe that self-mutilation is good.

5. Do not, under any circumstances, believe religious or spiritual leaders. God is all things to all people. You have to experience that sh*t for yourself. Step up and choose to be your own guru.

6. Hell is on earth. You create it by what you focus your thinking on. And you can leave it at any time by what you focus on. Don’t like the heat? Get outta the kitchen!

7. Be humble. There is only one center of the universe and it isn’t you.

8. Judgment is the root of all evil. Money has nothing to do with it. When you quit judging life and everything in it as good or bad, you will understand the truth.

9. Never kill the messenger. What is with you people? God keeps sending you the teachings that you need for an enlightened life and what do you do with that information? You kill the messenger… 

10. God is inside of you. Quit looking up to find him—look within yourself. By the way, He is not an old white man with a beard. Want to see God? Look in the mirror. 

People often tell me that they don’t understand how I can be so calm all the time, especially when life comes banging at my door. But I’ve found that following the Lost Commandments makes life glorious—if not hilariously ironic.

Author: James Robinson

Editor: Nicole Cameron

Image: Ryan McGuire/gratisography