“If you’re not worth his time at two in the afternoon, then he’s not worth yours at two in the morning.” ~ Unknown

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I know how seductive those late night texts can be.

They come unexpectedly—like thunder and lightening—on a hot steamy night, and they create just as many electrifying sparks. The thing is, that’s not what you truly want.

Of course the sex is amazing, and there is no doubt that you’d enjoy yourself, but—then what?

You would inevitably still be going to bed alone and waking up by yourself once again.

Booty calls don’t lead to a forever.

They satisfy our human desires of steamy sex and of endorphins so strong we forget that we are alone.

They make us feel a little less accountable, like maybe we won’t really be alone forever, and perhaps we haven’t screwed up as badly as it sometimes seem.

Booty calls serve their purpose, but they also distract us from actually feeling what we are feeling—they hold us back from finding what we really want by having us settle for what we are offered.

There is a big difference between someone who makes time to share their life with you, versus someone who comes to you only when they want you. Most of all, it’s an issue of value and of readiness—and while I know it’s tempting to accept something while you currently have nothing, in the end it won’t make you feel any better.

You are a beautiful, soul-rich woman who deserves a man who wants to take you to bed, so he can know that you are safe by his side. A man who sees that your greatest assets aren’t what fills his hands as he grabs onto your soft curves, but in the way that you help to make his dreams soar to new heights.

I know that it’s tempting as you sit in your sweatpants on a “Netflix and chill” kinda night, but don’t give up what you want for what feels good in the moment—even if it does feel really good.

Sometimes when we make sex so easy to get, we forget that it has a meaning past orgasm or reproduction—that there is no closer two people can get physically. Sex with someone we connect with becomes less about the penetration and more about the actual experience itself. When we have sex with someone who we have deep feelings for, all other sex just pales in comparison.

We also forget that while sex is a part of love—love doesn’t always have to be a part of sex.

This isn’t about women catching feelings or “slut shaming” or anything like that—this is about not accepting less than what you want and deserve.

Booty calls and sex just for immediate gratification doesn’t have to do with women’s empowerment or simply the ability to sleep around—but what it does have to do with is respecting ourselves and our hearts enough to know when a booty call is what we want in the moment, versus what we need in the long term.

Because the truth is—sometimes it can be exactly what we need.

There was a time when I was so scared of intimacy and of relationships, I was actually satisfied by the dissatisfaction these booty calls brought me. I was used to eliciting attention based on my looks and sexual prowess—but at the time that was all I could handle.

I couldn’t handle the thought of someone staying until morning or becoming a part of my life—and so booty calls became the band-aid fix for my intimacy issues. But even the most effective band-aids need to be ripped off sometimes, because we won’t really start attracting what we deserve until we actually find our own self-worth.

Once we have taken that step—and stopped filling that void within ourselves with the artificial attention of men who only desire our skin against theirs—then we will leave room to start filling it for ourselves, and it is there that we will start to become the lovers that we so desire.

If we can give ourselves the gift of being alone and learning to love it, then we will realize that what we seek isn’t the man who can’t stay away from us at two in the morning, but it’s the man who wants to be with us as soon as he wakes up.

There is a big difference in being a man’s last thought of the day, versus his first thought in the morning—and darlin’ you know you deserve to be that first ripe thought that runs through his still sleepy mind.

Booty calls are exciting because they trigger our inner desires, and sexting is like a delicious appetizer for that main course that has us licking and biting our lips, but sometimes we just get to a point where we realize that it’s not enough.

It’s not satisfying to just have late night sex visits, once we finally realize that what we crave is someone to wake up to and join us in this life—dinners, daytime adventures, sleepy rainy afternoons and showers for two.

So sometimes, no matter how much we want that attention and those feelings of excitement and flirting—we just have to let that booty call bounce.

Let it go altogether—not because you don’t want it, but because you want it and so much more.

Of course, there are those moments when it seems that maybe a booty call might eventually lead to that more that you seek. That perhaps if enough time is spent together, and enough sweet kisses are exchanged, that maybe the beginnings of love will start to grow during those midnight moments—yet that is a rarity that few see develop into a reality.

I know that it sometimes seem like you are okay with the late night texts and the sexy conversation, but even as tantalizing as they are—those words and actions can’t hold you close in the middle of the night.

It’s not always easy being alone, but it is even harder to accept less than what you want and deserve.

The thing is though, darlin’—what you want can only find you when you make room for it.

So this time, just let that booty call bounce, once and for all.

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Relephant:

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Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: Pixabay