Last week was one of those weeks where every ex came out of the woodwork.

I envisioned the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport ground crew guiding in all their landings with their illuminated traffic wands, waving them in as they talked over their radios. “Yep, guys, it’s that rare occurrence every 3 to 4 years when all of Kristi’s exes try to fly back into her life at exactly the same time. Expect some turbulence and delays.” Roger that.

With more spiritual development, I now see this as an opportunity to set really clear, ever loving boundaries and to forgive. I love all of my exes, and the things I learned from and with them, but they’re exes for a reason (or a multitude of reasons). In my mind, the chapter was finished, but sometimes there is unfinished business which 99% of the time means there’s room for forgiveness. And if they all show up at once, you better believe that’s a sure-fire signal I have work to do.

Now, you may say that there are some things that are unforgivable. I’ve written about the nuances of that before. This article is really about when you’re ready to let that sh*t go. This is a ritual to do it, and do it well.

Let us not listen to those who think we ought to be angry with our enemies, and who believe this to be great and manly. Nothing is so praiseworthy, nothing so clearly shows a great and noble soul, as clemency and readiness to forgive.
~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Radical Forgiveness Ritual Steps

This is a whole day affair, and if you have lots of cleaning to do, maybe longer. I dedicate a whole day where I can take my time, and after you do it, you’ll instantly realize the powerful effects of the practice. It’s a worthy investment of your time and energy.

Rituals traditionally have five steps: Entry, preparation, climax, celebration and reentry. In this ritual, you will be purifying your intentions, your space and then your body and spirit. This may sound strange if you’re not used to this sort of thing, but most ancient and contemporary rituals follow this framework of transformation.

Ritual is the passageway of the soul to the infinite. ~ Algernon Blackwood

1. Entry: Set your intention. Get clear on why you want to forgive those who have harmed you.
2. Preparation-Home: Clean your house. Hunt down every item that you no longer use, or that no longer gives you joy and give it away. Make your space beautiful and sparkling. Buy fresh flowers. Make sure you have some sage on hand. Purify your space.
3. Preparation-Body & Spirit: Take a bath or shower. Clean your pores. Brush your teeth. Use a neti pot if you have one. Go to the max in purifying your body and whatever that looks like for you. Dry off, and put on something loose and comfortable. Light candles. Light the sage and let the smoke drift all over your body. Bring the sage to every corner of your living space.
4. Climax: Sit down and write the names of everyone you can possibly think of who has caused you pain, and is taking space up in the subconscious and conscious fields of your heart. When I did this the first time, I went back all the way to the girl who stole my peanut m&ms in the 2^nd You want this to be thorough. Take your time and write down everyone as the sage continues to burn.

Starting with the first person, on your list, go through the ancient practice Hawaiian practice of forgiveness, Hoʻoponopono:

I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.

Keep repeating these three lines until you feel an energetic shift, where you are truly ready to release, forgive, and make room for more. This doesn’t mean that what they did is excusable, but it is your signal to the universe you are ready to move on and clear this space of unforgiveness from your heart.

After you feel the energetic lift, repeat this:

I let go
To make room for more

 I let go
To make room for more

And then, move on to the next person in your list and repeat the process:

I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
*repeat as many times as needed

I let go
To make room for more
*repeat twice to seal the process

5. Celebration: After you have completed all those on your list, it’s time to celebrate, and soak up the feeling that takes over once you have done this incredible work, perhaps the most valuable work of your lifetime. Revel in the space this has created for you. Dance with tears of joy for all that you have overcome, and the vast terrain of the human experience you have traveled. Celebrate the courage of your mighty heart. Play your favorite music, or gaze up into a star-lit night in awe and wonder.
6. Reentry: Immediately after the celebration, or the next day, take out your journal. What did you learn through this process? What did you let go of? Who can you now be without all the background resentment programs taking up your processing space like an old PC that still works on floppy discs? Reflection is the key to integration in this practice.

We can’t protect ourselves from pain, or sadness, or disappointment. There’s no real way out of this, because it’s part of the human experience. There are those who try to minimize, or stay out of deep connection, for fear of these experiences. Focus on the loving. Focus on the fun, the joy, the connection. Because this is where the pay dirt is, regardless of what occurs. ~ Carolyn Freyer-Jones 

And then, it’s time to let love rule. Enjoy the freedom, peace and serenity. There’s truly nothing like forgiveness to set your spirit free and to attract the people and experiences your highest self longs for. I’ve only done this full experience twice, but every single time blow-my-mind magical shifts happen. Are you ready to set your daggers down and welcome in the magic? Set the date and commit to a love revolution. I won’t say it’s easy, but it’s a necessary ingredient if you want to have an electric life. Join me. Join us.

Let that sh*t go and make room for more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PZK07qCdAg

~

Author: Kristi Kremers

Editor: Erin Lawson

Images:  Flickr/Zak Cannon   //   Flickr/Danielle Tineke