As a nearly-45-year-old woman, I used to be frustrated and unable to orgasm.

Since reading The Yoni Massage: Healing and Enhancing Sexual Intimacy by Darin Austin Hall in 2014, I had been on a quest to find a professional to perform such a massage and give me the healing I yearned for.

Living in Des Moines, Iowa (a not-exactly-progressive town in the heart of the Midwest) I didn’t have many options. When I did an internet search, I only found “seedy” links that looked more like porn sites and massage parlors that were more about a “happy ending” than healing. I talked to friends who had “friends” who were very “talented,” but not exactly trained—if you know what I mean.

Last fall, I traveled to Los Angeles, California. While I was there, I decided it would be a great place to search out the elusive yoni massage.

I expected LA to be the mecca of yoni services, and to a certain extent, it was. That is, if you’re looking for vaginal steaming, reconstructive surgery or other “plastic” services related to the appearance of one’s yoni. But a true, healing, tantric yoni massage was difficult to find.

I searched the internet, Yelp, Facebook nearby places, Trip Advisor and other social media sites to find a reputable place. Finally, after a few hours searching, I connected with Mare.

Mare’s website was professional. She had a long history of tantric experience and had been a sex surrogate for couples. She had a number of outstanding testimonials on her website as well. We chatted on the phone for an hour or so, and she had me complete some paperwork, which included thoughtful questions about my background and current relationship. (I was in a committed relationship at the time. My boyfriend was aware of and supportive of my quest for yoni healing.)

A couple days later, I drove two hours up the Pacific Coast Highway to Mare’s bungalow in the mountains. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I was excited about the prospect of things to come. When I arrived, she greeted me with a cheerful hug and lots of compliments. We sat at her kitchen table and talked for an hour or more. In all, I spent more than four hours at her bungalow, mostly in her bed.

Her bed had fairy lights strung about and beautiful scarves strewn across the four posts. After our conversation, she asked me to remove my clothes and lie down. She began with an actual massage. Because I’ve had pain in my body for a long time, I regularly get massages. They are therapeutic for me, not sexy. I rarely get turned on by a massage, regardless of who performs them.

On this day, however, that was not the case. Mare’s massage was extremely sensual, and I felt aroused. This surprised me, because I’d never been touched by a woman in a sensual way. It wasn’t long before she teased my yoni and slipped her fingers inside.

She knew what she was doing. She searched for hotspots, numbness and areas where I held pain. Almost immediately, she sensed trauma in a specific area and asked me what I was feeling and thinking about.

Ugh. My mother. What the hell? Why in the world would I be thinking about my mother when a woman had her fingers in my vagina?

Sadly, I knew exactly why: because sex was always shameful in my family. In that moment, I was ready to release the shame that plagued my sex life. Mare massaged my yoni, and I let go of the shame that had been locked there throughout my life.

Next up, my ex-husband.

Another ugh.

But not a surprise at all. Sex with him was routine; I wanted to return to the mindset where sex was something I enjoyed—not something I did out of obligation. Once again, Mare pleasured my yoni and I cleared the sense of duty that had lain hidden in my yoni for the last 22 years.

Once those two major energetic blocks were cleared, it was onto pleasure from there. I wanted desperately to have an orgasm, as I had only had a few in my 44 years.

The session ended in a major climax—better than the orgasm I had hoped for. A deep love for myself and my lover overcame me, and I broke down in a tearful release.

It was another week before I returned to my boyfriend. After he picked me up from the airport, we made love for the first time in more than two weeks, and it was the most heart-connected sex either of us had ever had.

Part of the connection was the absence from one another, I’m sure, but there was obviously something different with me as well. I’m not certain I can explain it; however, I can tell you I felt extremely liberated.

I’m now free from the beliefs I carried within my yoni. These expectations consciously or unconsciously clouded every relationship and sexual encounter I had had. It’s no wonder the doctrine of shame, obligation and distress blocked my ability to have an orgasm.

Since working with Mare, I’ve had little trouble having an orgasm with a partner or alone. My time with Mare is one of the best gifts I could have given myself. I’m thankful to be able to share this new sense of connection versus the disconnection I previously had with my future partner.

My gifted healer, Mare Simone refers to this revolutionary treatment as one that “releases tension and blocked memories and invites a natural state of pleasure to return to the yoni.”

If you’ve not heard of or researched this treatment, I highly recommend it.

May it be of benefit.

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Author: Melissa Drake

Image: Darla Hueske/Flickr

Editor: Toby Israel

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