My prayer for all couples.

May you breathe more deeply and look into each other’s eyes more often.

May you slow down and really listen to each other.

May you not be so quick to prove your point.

May you have the courage to admit when you are wrong and go beyond pride.

May you remember that when you don’t feel seen or heard by your partner, that s/he may feel exactly the same way as you do.

May you hold hands and enjoy the simple connection of what it feels like to touch each other.

May you recognize the love that is inherent to who you are when you gaze into each other’s eyes.

And may you deepen into the infinite love that you are and enjoy each other’s presence more fully in every moment.

This prayer was born out of the blood and guts of my intimate partnership of 15 years.

Learning to practice this prayer has been transformative over the years and has turned my relationship with my husband into a spiritual practice where we work to achieve greater depths of awakening and emotional maturity.

Short and long periods of disconnection and pain have slowly been replaced with trust and love even when we hit up against a hard place. We’ve proven to ourselves over and over that by staying the course, no matter how painful or hopeless things have gotten, when love is worshiped, anything is possible.

Having a practice based on taking risks with one another and learning to communicate from the heart with more vulnerability and realness has helped us to recognize what is truly sacred and holy in our own beings and therefore in each other. May all couples (and beings in general) be more curious about finding a deeper connection with one another than wanting to prove their point and be right.

Below are some tips to help you practice and embody this prayer. These are things we have done over the years which continue to be fundamental to helping us embody more love in our relating:

May you breathe more deeply and look into each other’s eyes more often.
May you hold hands and enjoy the simple connection of what it feels like to touch each other.

Plan an indoor date once in a while instead of going out, and try some of these:

Sit in front of each other. Close your eyes and breathe deeply as you ground into the present moment. After a few breath cycles open your eyes and gaze at one another, touch hands and enjoy the simple connection of breathing together. You might feel deeply connected or you may experience a lot of discomfort and want to look away. Whatever comes up, just be honest and explore what it feels like to share from this place. The more you practice sharing from vulnerability, you will increase your connection in all areas of your intimate life and overall relationship.

Put on some fun music and dance. Move your body. It’s such a fun way to connect, make eye contact and bring more touch into your relationship in such a natural way. It can essentially help you get out of your head and simply be present with one another.

Give each other massages. Play some relaxing music and enjoy massaging your partner’s body. Breathe deeply as you are giving the massage and practice being mindful throughout—keep bringing your attention back to the simple connection and what it feels like to touch your partner’s body. If you are the one receiving the massage, practice opening your body and heart to receive your partner’s loving touch.

May you slow down and really listen to each other.
May you not be so quick to prove your point.

The next time you find yourself getting into a power struggle with your partner, stop and take a deep breath. Slow way down by focusing your attention on your breath and then observe where you are holding any tension in your body. Maybe your jaw is held tightly as you get ready to make your point. Simply see what happens if you practice relaxing your jaw by continuing to breathe with conscious awareness. When you slow down to receive your own breath, this allows you to hear the information your partner is sharing from a more relaxed place in yourself.

May you have the courage to admit when you are wrong and go beyond pride.

 It takes vigilant honesty with yourself to give up winning an argument and go beyond pride. You can ask yourself these questions the next time you find yourself trying to prove your point with your partner:

“What is the deeper conversation here?”
“How can I be vulnerable and share more deeply from my heart?”
“What if s/he is not the enemy but rather a perfect reflection for me to see how I cut off and turn away because it’s too painful?”
“What would happen if I was real about the pain that it brought up and shared that instead of closing down?”

Explore what happens when you risk first and share something vulnerable. Your partner may then be more inclined to share if you start the motion of sharing from a place of vulnerability and integrity. If you take the risk and this is not the case over and over, then this is really good information for you and you can make decisions about your relationship from a much more real and inclusive place.

May you remember that when you don’t feel seen or heard by your partner, that s/he feels exactly the same way as you do.

 It can be so helpful just recognizing that you and your partner are most often feeling the same way, even if you don’t agree on something. When you share this from a place of vulnerability, it can really shift things. My husband and I can be filled with despair at times over not being able to reach each other and sometimes just the simple recognition that we are feeling the same way allows us to experience connection with each other and naturally invokes compassion and begins to soften our hearts.

May you recognize the love that is inherent to who you are when you gaze into each other’s eyes. And may you deepen into the infinite love that you are and enjoy each other’s presence more fully in every moment.

Honestly, this happens by continuing to see the ways you close your heart down in the moment because it’s too painful. When you are honest about this and keep leaning into the discomfort and sharing from a more vulnerable place you will inevitably be able to recognize what is sacred in yourself and in your partner. This continues to deepen the more you practice and use your relationship as a vehicle for awakening and spiritual development.

As a relationship coach and someone who continues to practice this prayer, my greatest advice is to keep exploring and allow for all your mistakes to guide you into a deeper place of integrity with yourself and therefore with your partner.

May you take risks with one another and learn to communicate from a more vulnerable, heart centered–place. And may you give each other feedback from the most loving, kind place whenever possible—but don’t expect to do this perfectly—just take responsibility when it comes out messy and less than graceful. Just like anything you practice, you will get better at this the more you do it.

Author: Jennifer Byrd Rubacky

Image: Patrice CALATAYU / Flickr 

Editor: Sara Kärpänen