There is scientific and hormonal proof about how women interact socially.

Robert Josephs, concluded that, “men’s self-esteem derives more from their ability to maintain independence from others, while women’s self-esteem is maintained, in part, by the ability to sustain intimate relationships with others,“ as referenced by Dr. Louann Brizendine in her book Female Brain.

At a young age, girls are form cliques, become bossy, and have to have their own way, even when playing. I see this with my girls and their friends.

Growing up, I experienced some amazing female friendships, and some that were just awful. I have had “friends” who messed around with a boyfriend, flirted with guys that I was interested in.

Then there were those who were clearly competitive in all areas of life. These types of women/girls always claim that female friendships are difficult, and other women are. This is a red flag, in my opinion. If you can’t have healthy same-sex friendships—something is not right.

As I have matured, I have realized that I was the one who allowed these people into my life, and thought of them as friends. A true friend is a “gift that you give to yourself.” Yes, friendships take energy just like a marriage, or any other relationship. But they should be fun and gratifying for everyone involved.

Here are some things to consider:

1. Believe in yourself and who you are. 

As we are growing up, some of us are not grounded in what we like and dislike. We want to fit in. Therefore we might become friends with people who don’t have enough in common with us. This has been the biggest obstacle that I have overcome.

2. Spend time with people who share the same common core values as yourself.

Again, this means learning more about your essential self.

If you have children, it is useful having friends who have similar parenting values to you. For example, being around other families who yell, are negative, have different educational goals, and even basic differences—like what they allow their kids watch on social media/television.

The attributes that I look for in my female friends are: happiness and health, fun outlook, similar political views, active and sporty, smart, independent, open-minded, similar spiritual beliefs, loyalty. It is important to me that they are supportive, and if they don’t have children, we share common values in the way we would raise our kids. How she interacts with my children is important. Everyone I bring to my family has to be someone who can be a role model for my girls.

3. Be positive.

In order to attract people in to your life that are fun and positive, you have to become that yourself. Gossiping and negativity are toxic and energy-draining

4. Be a good friend to yourself.

We have to treat ourselves well. We have to be kind and non-judgmental with ourselves first before we can have the type of friendships we desire. Enjoy spending time alone. When we are coming from en energy of neediness we are repelling others.

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Author: Sherry Ellingson

Image: Author’s own; Unsplash

Editor: Lieselle Davidson