It is about grief  
That I wish to write

About how sometimes
I dance with grief
And we go for walks
Down through the meadow
And into the woods
Where there is space
To cry
And laugh
And listen
And pray
And be still
The kind of stillness
That invites being touched
By the moment

And how sometimes
Grief feels like a wave
Slapping me over
Into an undertow
That grabs hold of me
And won’t let go
Until I surrender
Into the current
It is just water after all
That wishes to flow through me

And how sometimes
Grief gets misunderstood
And misidentified
It feels like crazy
It feels like something is amiss
It feels like something to wrestle with and change
And then I give it my attention
And like the undertow
I surrender to it
Through quiet
Through tears
Through writing
Through drawing
Through walking down back country roads
And once again
There is more space
For me
For grief
For its movement through my life

It changes you, you know
Grief
It changes life
The textures of everything are different
Joy is still there
But different
Love is still there
But different

Moments of depression
Melancholy
Tiredness
They all come for visits

Nothing has been lost
Well, okay
Perhaps something has
Hearing my mom’s voice
Feeling her touch my face
And hold my hand
I have those memories
But no new moments with her like that
So yes, something has been lost

But in that loss
More has been found
A love for my mom that is found
Now that there’s been forgiveness
A love that can be felt from my mom
Now that there’s been forgiveness
A love that can be felt for and from
The universe
Now that I’ve felt the embrace of its
Divine Love

Sometimes grief is like being
Untethered
Out of control
Floating in the universe
With no past, no future
Floating through life
With questions of
What for?
What is this all about?

And then I have moments
Of seeing my face in the mirror
Of soaking in the hot tub
Of standing under the full moon
Of feeling the cold, snowy wind
Of tasting melted coconut oil on steamed kale
And I revel at this body
And inhabiting my life

So grief
You can have your way with me
As I see your stealth mission
Is to open me
To living and loving
More fully

~

~

~

Author: Megan Walrod

Image: Pixabay

Editor: Travis May