In my private practice as a women’s sexuality coach, I talk to many women who don’t love their sex lives.

They describe sex as feeling like a “chore” and tell me it’s something they do with their partner out of a sense of obligation, not because they want and enjoy sex.

I get it. I was shut down sexually for years, and it wasn’t until I made healing my relationship with sex a priority that this began to shift.

If you are like my clients and don’t currently love your sex life, here are three things that can help:

1. Review and Heal Your Formative Sexual Experiences

So many women have terrible formative sexual experiences. If you suffered sexual abuse as a child, taking the time to get help from an expert is highly recommend.

If you didn’t suffer abuse, your formative sexual experiences may still have been traumatic. Think back to the first time you had sex. Did you enjoy it?

For so many of us women, the first time we had sex was painful, scary, and confusing. This creates a neurological wire in our brains that tells us sex is not an enjoyable activity.

It’s completely possible to rewire the brain, and there are many techniques that qualified sexual educators can use to help us do that.

2. Unblock Your Sexual Energy

Many women think they suffer from low libido, but I have found that is generally not the case. The issue is not low libido, but blocked sexual energy.

The best way I know how to unblock sexual energy is through a daily somatic (body-based) sexuality practice. There are lots of body-based practices out there, and the two I recommend are Orgasmic Meditation and yoni egg practice. You can do a simple Google search to find out about these and other somatic sexual practices, or check out my website listed in my bio.

3. Make Friends with Your Vagina

So many women hate and feel shame about their vaginas. If we are not head over heels in love with our vaginas, we will never have a sex life we love.

When we hate and shame our vaginas, we are hating and shaming the core of our feminine sensuality and power.

If you are not in love with your vagina, find a quiet place to lie down and place a hand over her. Tell her you are sorry for all the years you degraded and ignored her, and tell her you love her.

Then, when you wake up every morning for the next 30 days, tell your vagina you love her.

This might bring up intense emotions, as we often store emotions in our vaginas. If this happens, make space to feel these emotions instead of shutting them down. This will allow for anything “stuck” to move through you.

If you follow these three steps, you will be well on your way to having a sex life you love.

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Author: Sarah Kennedy
Image: Miss A/Flickr 
Editor: Leah Sugerman