Simone de Beauvoir famously said, “One is not born, but becomes a woman.”

She couldn’t be more right. Becoming a woman is not something that happens with the first flow of menstrual blood, or the first sexual encounter, or even by becoming a mother. Becoming a woman is a conscious evolution.

Grown women don’t compete with other women. They know that competition kills the soul, so they strive to empower and collaborate with other women.

A grown woman knows that there is no need to try to win anyone’s heart. She knows she’s Michael Jackson bad and won’t step all over herself trying to prove it.

Grown women don’t play games. They are true to their word and honest.

A grown woman doesn’t try to manipulate people, especially not men. When she agrees to a “friends with benefits” type of relationship, it’s not because she’s secretly trying to make you fall in love. She literally only wants to be friends, with occasional benefits.

Grown women aren’t threatened by female friends, and they don’t have to lower others to make themselves feel better.

Grown women aren’t jealous. They realize you had a life before them and don’t have any desire to make you pretend otherwise.

A grown woman never tries to replace the ex or the mother of her partner’s children. She knows how to stay in her lane, stay respectful of the relationship, and cultivate her own relationships with her partner’s children and ex-partner.

Grown women are not doormats, though. They have solid boundaries and know how to hold them. Those who can’t respect them, and their boundaries, don’t get to stay in their lives.

A grown woman encourages her man to go to “boys’ night” because she knows that his desire to spend time with his male friends is natural and part of what keeps him grounded.

Grown women eat the damn burger if they want it because they know if a date judges them for that then they’re not a good fit anyway.

Grown women trust their partners; but, if they don’t, they either have good reason not to trust them or they evaluate whether the relationship is worth saving. They have too much going on to try to manage another person’s life.

Grown women have their own passions, their own lives, and their own opinions. They will not become dependent on anyone else to tell them how to live.

Grown women are strong and are also soft. They are the moguls in stilettos, who are the CEOs of their own lives and, yet, have the ability to be soft and gentle. They are grounded in both their masculine and feminine energies and know which to draw upon when necessary.

Grown women handle their own lives and aren’t waiting for someone to rescue them. Grown women take responsibility for their lives and their choices, and they don’t play the victim.

Grown women don’t give a shi*t what people think about them anymore. They will wear a bikini if they feel like it, and if someone doesn’t like their cellulite then they can look away.

Grown women don’t make their lives all about getting or keeping a man. They have far too much in their lives to be worried about that.

Grown women aren’t obsessed with their appearance, but they take care of themselves.

Grown women assess people’s character rather than their packaging.

Grown women set goals, make plans, and achieve them. Yet, they are still humble and grounded.

Grown women have done the work internally to become women, and realize that it is an ongoing process. Grown women are committed to honest self-evaluation, and doing the work needed to continue to evolve.

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Author: Lisa Vallejos, PhD
Image: Shane Drummond/Unsplash
Editor: Leah Sugerman