“Trust Me. I know what I’m doing.” ~ The Universe

~

No, the universe is not that person you regret dating in your 20s.

The universe is not a psycho.

I’m still fairly new to this universe business, so it’s a pretty steep learning curve. Vertical, actually.

As I read through lots of really interesting and contrasting perspectives on this new path I’m traveling, something keeps popping up that doesn’t feel quite right. It’s probably that spring in my mattress—I really need to get that sorted out.

No, something else strikes me as odd. It has to do with all this manifesting and law of attraction stuff.

On the one hand, a lot of it sounds pretty good. In fact, it sounds great. Pure, blinders-up optimism has always been my thang.

On the other hand, a lot of these kinds of thoughts seem to pop up in my reading:

“The Universe responds to all your thoughts, not your actions.”

“When you have negative thoughts, the Universe gives you that.”

“The tiniest thought, no matter how bad or involuntary, will manifest immediately and recklessly, so either strap yourself in for the pain, or constantly monitor the thoughts and vibrations you are putting out there, Bucko.”

Does anyone else find these statements…a tad troubling? They remind me of someone familiar: Someone from my past. Let’s call them Psycho McStalkerpants.

Most of us have had the oh-so-fun experience of dating someone who we eventually discovered was just a little bit psychotic. I’m not talking about someone with mental illness; many of us have had our struggles with that. I’m talking about that person who simply loved being horrible.

Psycho McStalkerpants was the grumpy critic who sat there, continually waiting to pounce on us with the precision of a Navy Seal-trained jaguar wearing a Grand Seiko 9F watch. The one who toyed with our insecurities like a cat mercilessly toys with the loyalty of its people-guardians.

Psycho McStalkerpants was the one watching us, snooping on us, reading meaning into anything and everything we said and did. Psycho McStalkerpants was also the one we quietly dumped after they cheated on us for the seventh time and then ran all around town talking about what a loony we were while keying our car in the dead of night.

But I digress.

It seems there’s some similarity between the above points on the universe and Psycho McStalkerpants. Those above points paint the universe to be an entity that monitors us, waiting to capitalize on the times we mess up. To give us what we don’t want, despite knowing what we want deep down. To twist our words, and not allow for any mistakes we may have made by thinking or saying the wrong thing.

That universe sounds about as stable as a runaway horse. Or as my psycho ex. In other words: completely and utterly unstable. And an unstable universe causes us to fear it, because we find ourselves in a place of uncertainty.

Consider an example of a concern so many of us can relate to: money.

In the autumn, I quit my regular job to do work that honored my gifts and was of service to others—writing and short film-making. The leaps and bounds in opportunities that have been presenting themselves as I’ve been honoring my gifts have been nothing short of miraculous.

But these opportunities aren’t paying much. Yet. So during this life re-orienting, I’ve been living on my savings. And that money has ticked down to nearly nothing. That’s okay, because I’m doing what I’m meant to do, and money is on its way eventually.

The majority of the time, I don’t freak out about it. When we do the right thing and see the signs that we are absolutely on the right path, we’ve got momentum and we chug along like a frat boy beer bonging on a steam train.

However, occasionally—like when a big bill comes—Little Amanda the Kerosene-Fumed Ragamuffin Matchstick Girl surfaces and completely flips out. She can’t help it. She’s seen me live through poverty. She’s my survival mode, with screaming and panic skills finely honed from a lifetime of scarcity and doubt.

Little Amanda has interjected herself into my conversations with the universe. Conversations like this:

Dear Universe, thank you for the amazing things today, like that new contract. (That means nothing. The old contracts still haven’t paid!)

No, I’m not going to worry. (Are you crazy? You are literally down to your last couple hundred dollars!)

But that’s when the miracles happen. (Seriously, who can we borrow money from?)

Please Universe. Don’t listen to her. I’m really grateful. So much gratitude. Everything’s fine…Do I still have any
anti-anxiety medication in my bathroom cabinet? Just kidding, Universe. (Don’t hurt me.)

Doesn’t this seem ridiculous? See how the conversation is steered by fear. Does it make sense that a kind universe would demand this type of continual paranoia and self-checking?

Having grown up in a fundamentalist family, I know exactly what it is like to believe in an all-knowing, all-seeing God who indiscriminately punishes you for your thoughts and fears. And you know, it’s not as much fun as you’d think. So, we need a different way of thinking.

If we are serious about the universe being benevolent and loving us, then perhaps we should consider the possibility that the universe knows we are flawed human beings who are going to have moments of fear and doubt. And that’s okay. We can acknowledge it and remember that fears and doubts often show us where the blockages are so that we can clear them and get back into the flow.

What if it isn’t an impossible 100-percent-faith-100-percent-of-the-time scenario that the universe wants from us? What if, instead, it was a different sign of faith? Like opening up to it with honesty, so that our thoughts are more like this:

Hello there, Universe! I’m feeling so much gratitude for the wonderful things in my life. You’ve probably noticed that sometimes I’m struggling with doubt.

Little Amanda the Kerosene-Fumed Ragamuffin Matchstick Girl’s been quite vocal. She’s part of that old fearful me that you’re liberating me from.

I refuse to act out of fear and be terrified of scarcity. I choose to work toward staying aligned and proceeding in love, trusting more abundance is coming my way.

Doesn’t that sound much nicer, and more in alignment with how, deep down, we know the universe really operates?

The universe is not a Psycho McStalkerpants, living to create doubt and uncertainty. The universe wants us to align ourselves with love. The universe also knows we are flawed people, trying to shed years of habit and ego. It knows about Little Amanda the Kerosene-Fumed Ragamuffin Matchstick Girl. And it wants us to let her go.

So, I’ll continue to calm her down and reassure her things are as they should be. And I’ll manifest that money, and be grateful in advance that it is coming.

And in the meantime, I’ll continue to trust that the universe wants what is best for me, rather than waiting around a corner, hoping to trip me up.

Either way, I’ll find out in a few weeks, won’t I?
~

Author: Amanda Graham 
Image: Juan Buchelli/ Flickr
Editor: Khara-Jade Warren