“It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.” ~ Colette Werden

~

“How did you rise up from where you were at?” my good friend asked.

Well, let me share how women rise after they’re knocked down on their asses over and over again and lose their spark…

Tell us that we’re not enough. Pursue us hard, then pull away when you’ve gotten us into bed. Act as if we mean nothing to you, even after you’ve told us something different.

Lie to us.

Cheat on us.

Tell us we can’t do the job as well as a man. Pay us half of what we’re worth, without being able to justify our price tag.

Flirt with our boyfriends and our girlfriends. Just harmless fun, right? Sleep with our husbands and our wives. Don’t for a moment consider what this may do to the lives we’ve created together.

Fire us from jobs we’ve invested our hearts and souls into. Tell us again it’s because we weren’t enough and there’s just no place for us anymore.

Ignore us.

Make plans with us, then don’t follow up. It’s not as if we deserve the courtesy of being treated with respect because you’ve changed your mind.

Don’t return our texts. Being dismissed is something every women needs to feel…

…to get her fire burning.

Manipulate us. Make us feel stupid. Explain to us how you can’t give us what we want—even though we can’t recall asking you for anything at all.

Get physically and verbally abusive.

Sexually assault us.

Make excuses for your bad behavior so we’ll give you another chance.

F*ck us over again. And don’t apologize for it.

The embers are now burning fast and wild. 

Tell us, “It’s not you, it’s me,” when you decide you can’t step up.

Call us only when it’s convenient for you.

Kick us when we’re down because you want to make damn sure that we won’t dare try to:

Get back up.

You want to see a woman rise? Do all of these things to her.

Because you may break her heart, but it will grow back stronger.

You may make her question her worth, but she will finally see her real value.

You may have wounded her pride, but now she’ll see your rejection as protection.

You may have caused her to close off her heart, but she has learned to discern who is worthy of opening it to.

You may have made her feel like a fool for a moment, but she’ll see nobody can make her feel anything unless she allows them to.

You may have destroyed her ability to trust others, but she will learn to fully trust herself.

And you may have left her bitter, angry, and resentful, but she’ll use that fire to become a better and more empowered version of herself.

Lost our spark? Hell yeah, we sure did—for a little while.

But women know how to rise.

We just used everything that was handed to us in a dirty, ugly-wrapped package and found the gift inside.

It was the key to how to get our groove back, and rise up like that whole damn fire.

~

Author: Dina Strada
Image: Darius Soodman/Unsplash 
Editor: Catherine Monkman