I’m a single mom, and I’m committed to mindfulness.

In my conversations with other single moms and the partners who either love us or avoid us, I’ve learned a lot about what goes on under the surface for people. I’ve learned that there are men who adore single moms and men who won’t even give us a second look.

While there isn’t one right answer when it comes to dating single mothers, I can only share my reasons why others should consider it.

Keep in mind that this is about mindful mamas—women who have done their own inner work, who are actively engaged in growing and learning through therapy, coaching, or spiritual transformation. These are the women who are committed to self-reflection, living their best lives, and becoming the best version of themselves.

1. She doesn’t play games. We have busy lives, and we can’t get caught up in a courting game to catch and keep a partner.
2. She does “the work.” We aren’t perfect, but we know who we are and where we’re going. And we don’t expect anyone else to take us there.
3. She owns her sh*t. We have our responsibilities, but we also own our choices, good and bad. We don’t play the victim and don’t expect to be rescued from our lives.
4. She knows what she wants. We are clear about our endgame and our mission. Our direction gives us passion, which can make us even more attractive.
5. She is confident. We’ve made mistakes and had some setbacks, but we’ve survived. We believe in our ability to create magic and bounce back from adversity.
6. She is independent. We’ve honed skills from our masculine side and can get a lot done. But we’re also able to step out of C.E.O. mode and into our more gentle, feminine side.
7. She is intentional. We don’t have the spontaneity to run off whenever we feel like it, but we make the absolute best of the time we do have, which means that when we’re yours, we’re all yours.
8. She is nurturing. Our years as a mama have helped us learn how to nurture others. We can offer you soft arms to relax into when you need it.
9. She is fierce. Our years as a mama have also taught us how to be protective. We will be your biggest supporter and go to the mat for you when necessary.
10. She doesn’t expect you to be Insta-Dad. Many men fear that dating a single mom means turning into a father before they’re ready. But a mindful single mama won’t expect that from you. We understand that if you become a permanent fixture in our lives, you will play a role in our children’s lives as well. But we aren’t hoping to force you into a role you aren’t ready to occupy. We are comfortable taking our time and moving as slow as necessary for everyone involved.

Dating a mindful single mom is definitely different from dating a single, unattached woman. And if you’re looking for someone who is spontaneous and free, we’re probably not for you. But if you long for a woman who is nurturing and fierce, intentional and confident, we might just be what you’re looking for.

~

~

~

Author: Lisa Vallejos, PhD
Image: Author’s own
Editor: Nicole Cameron
Copy Editor: Khara-Jade Warren
Social Editor: Khara-Jade Warren