Sometimes, people refer to having sex as “getting lucky”—and it is.

But the nuances of “lucky” have a lot to do with how good that sex is.

Sure, if you are hungry, most any sort of food will do—and, if you are sexually hungry, any sex seems worth having. However, as you have more sex, the quality of sex becomes important, and one becomes a “sexual gourmet.”

You can save yourself from a lot of mediocre or tepid sex by enhancing your ability to discover who is hot (and who is not) before you even kiss their belly or get to “first base.”

Luckily, whether or not someone will be good at sex is evident, even while your jeans are still buttoned and your bra—if you wear one—is firmly clasped. Someone’s reception to life reveals their reception to sex. If they resist life and think they don’t have enough time or money, then they are likely to be miserly during sex too.

There are two main indicators that someone will be good at sex.

The first is what sort of personality they host. Do they welcome new ideas, changes in the weather, and the inevitable variations on their path? If they don’t welcome change, they are likely to offer habitual, uninspired sex that will soon bore you.

The second way to tell if someone is hot is the amount of pleasure that they experience as they wander through life. Do they notice the sunrise or a bird singing? Do they sing in the shower, or get a thrill from the simpler things in life?

If they do, they are likely to be thrilled by the sensations of a passionate tongue focused on just the right spot—and be willing to experience pleasure first and ask questions later.

If they don’t experience much pleasure in life, then you aren’t likely to find pleasure with them. You aren’t—no matter how hard you try—going to turn a suffering ascetic into a hedonist, so don’t waste your time trying. Time spent in pleasure is time well spent, but you will never get back any time spent attempting to turn someone else’s life around.

A hot, wild, pleasurable life is an indication of hot, wild, and pleasurable sex. Anything less is sexual table scraps.

Really good news.

The same clues for whether someone will be hot in bed offer feedback from your mirror.

Take a look at yourself. If you aren’t open to change, overflowing with pleasure, or having a life full of good times and fun—then you could either seek out another mediocre partner, or tempt your own self to become hot.

Any time spent cultivating openness, happiness, and fertile ground for your own pleasure is time well spent.

Giggle a bit more, seek out new experiences, discover just how long your orgasms can be—or that you are, in your depths, orgasming all the time.

You are the gatekeeper of your own attention—and so, it is up to you how much of life’s infinite pleasure you enjoy. Throw open your attention, heart, eagerness, and daring. Reach for sexual heights without concern for whether you will bump your head on the stars.

Suffering is finite, and pleasure is infinite, so help yourself to the vast array of ecstatic moments that surround you.

Never delay gratification or resist change. Be thankful you still have 10 toes, polish up your rusty sense of humor, and hone those smile lines at the edge of your eyes, while whittling away at seriousness to discover your light, lively essence.

You will be surprised—as you heat up sexually—that hot, inspired, and ecstatic people will notice you, and mediocre lovers turn away, blinded by your light.

To find someone sexually hot, become someone hot.

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Relephant:

5 Sexual Styles & How to utilize them for Sensual Pleasure.

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Author: Jerry Stocking
Image: Flickr/Stuart Conner; Flickr/Mysi
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Copy editor: Danielle Beutell
Social editor: Khara-Jade Warren