We have it all backward.

We think that love is chemistry and explosions, fire and passion, and instant highs. We imagine that love will smack us across the head—and that we will find ourselves breathless, longing, and aching for the taste of our lover’s skin under our tongue.

Weaned on “chick flicks,” we think that love shows up with flashing neon lights, a rollercoaster feeling, and butterflies taking over our stomachs while reason leaves our mind.

But we are wrong.

Love isn’t all about chemistry and highs. In fact, the relationships I’ve seen that take off the hardest and fly the highest also have the biggest crashes. The ones whose new love interests render them senseless and helpless are the ones who have the biggest heartbreaks when the lights fade, the bluster lessens, and the raging fire becomes an ember.

Love is a lazy Sunday morning when the room temperature is just right, and the coffee is freshly brewed, and you wake up to a sense of calm and peace.

Love is looking into your lover’s eyes and seeing full acceptance reflected there.

Love knows you don’t have to be anything other than who you are—just yourself—to be loved.

Love is your favorite pair of jeans that fit just right and hug you in all the right places.

Love is the slow stretch after a good sleep.

Love is the feel of air conditioning hitting you as you exit the heat of outdoors.

Love is the delight you feel when you see an old friend who you’ve been missing.

Love is not looking at another person and thinking about how much you can’t wait to rip their clothes off—it’s looking at another person and desperately wanting to see their soul.

Love is the curiosity, and the mystery, and the sense that no matter how long you dig, you’ll still always find something new to uncover within your lover—and love is the desire to do so.

Love is being fascinated and captivated without wanting to consume.

Love is the sense of safety you feel when your heart expands and your spirit soars.

Love is the lazy morning where the birds are singing outside your window, your bed is perfectly comfortable, and you have no sense of urgency to go anywhere or do anything.

Love does has passion and fire, but real love doesn’t pretend to imagine it can be sustained on only that. Love is when the depth of your soul calls out to another, and they respond, “yes.”

~

Relephant:

Be a Lover who Loves like This.

A Sunday Kind of Love. {Adult}

~

Author: Lisa Vallejos
Image: Unsplash/Toa Heftiba
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Copy Editor: Danielle Beutell
Social Editor: Travis May