The most essential human need (after the basic survival needs) is to be loved—to feel loved and accepted as we are.

And yet, so many of us go on for years wanting love and not knowing how to get it or advocate for it. We end up feeling perpetually frustrated, unloved, and unfulfilled.

There is another way, though. We need to ask ourselves some honest questions:

Do we actually know what we need from our partners to feel loved?

Do we speak up and ask for it?

Or do we keep hoping our partner will somehow figure it out or change or express love like we do?

The thing is, men and women tend to show love differently.

Some men are still stuck in the mentality of showing their love by providing. This is great, but there’s so much more.

And, since most women want an emotional connection with their man, he’ll need to learn how if he wants to satisfy her.

Are you this man? Do you show love this way?

Or, if you are a woman, is this your man? Is he hiding behind his blocked heart, but showing his love in different ways?

Before we complain about this guy, let’s at least consider the possibility that he’s trying—it’s just not in your language.

Remember, men have been conditioned for generations to stuff their vulnerability down and, even now, it’s still happening. I was like this for years. Trying to please her while hiding behind my wall. But I didn’t even know I had a wall.

So, let’s remember that we aren’t all cut from the same cloth, nor do we all have the same conditioning. Hell, we don’t even have the same values sometimes.

A man might value work, while a woman values connection. The man expresses love by doing things and the woman through touch and conversation. We’re speaking different languages! Simple, right?

But, believe it or not, we can move beyond any gender role and both learn how to connect, and how to give and receive love in a way that works for each other. It can be done. We just need to learn how. 

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Relephant read:

3 Questions to Heal a Hurtful Relationship Pattern.

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Author: Jayson Gaddis
Image: Revolutionary Road (2008)
Editor: Khara-Jade Warren
Copy Editor: Nicole Cameron
Social Editor: Lieselle Davidson