I was sitting all alone on an early August morning, starring at the waves of the Pacific Coast ocean crashing at my feet. All alone and 2,200 miles away from home. I knew no one and had only three hundred dollars to my name. “This is it”, I thought. This is the beginning and the end. The end of blocked consciousness, the beginning of awakening.

The twenty five years that I had behind me were spent floating through this universe, forcefully and viciously grabbing onto whatever person or thing brought me the instant gratification that I was seeking. Drugs, men, money. Chasing the worn out “religious” beliefs that had been passed down from generation to generation in my Kentucky grown family. As I sat alone on a quiet beach, with my freshly sun kissed skin reaching toward the water, I realized, “It’s time to wake up.”

I began digging. Digging after what the truest form of myself knew to be true. Processing trauma, one at a time letting go of anger and resentments, forgiving others and forgiving myself, figuring out what exactly it was that I believed in.  What I was left with was nothing less than pure. Stripped away from my generational facades, stripped away from my clogged sense of thinking, stripped away from the rage filled emotions, the men I had been with and the drugs that I had taken. I was left with the truest, rawest form of simply, me. In that moment, the ground seemed to rise a little firmer to my bare feet and the ocean wrapped me in its stillness. Something deep in my freshly stripped and naked soul was awoken. I was as pure as the Pacific Ocean that my toes were dipped in.

It hasn’t been all cupcakes and rainbows, nor an entire wave of floating in stillness and gratitude. I have bad days, as we all do. It is a daily reminder to, just be. Just be you. Just be here. Just be present. Don’t fall asleep, stay awake. Keep your eyes open and your third eye even more open.

In three years, I have traveled this country with no desire to go back to who I used to be. I have dove headfirst into and created MY newfound spiritual beliefs, MY new way of living and have decided for myself what I choose to believe in. I have learned, no matter how many crystals that I keep in my bra, no matter how much sage or Palo Santo I burn, no matter how much chakra work I do or how often I practice yoga… I am the one doing the soul work. It is internal. Only I create the freedom to be who my truest self and soul craves to be.

In a time where the norm is to play unaware of your surroundings, unaware of the bullshit generational patterns, unaware of your own bullshit, and unaware of your feelings and emotions… I decided three years ago, alone, sitting on a beach in Southern California, with three hundred dollars to my name, starring out fully clothed at the Pacific Ocean to strip my soul and inner being completely naked and to wake up. To wake up and dance in the very presence of that exact moment.

Katie McFadden