At some point in our lives we all desire that fairytale. For many of the millennials, we were born and raised on Disney movies and taught that true love comes from wedding a Prince, having a wedding, and creating that version of the ‘American Dream’. Although those movies helped us all feel good, they forgot to teach us that the deepest and best love comes from actually loving ourself.

I remember being 26, and ready to commit to marriage, and thinking now was the time. I remember the blinders I put on, the way I thought I had fallen in love, and the silly mistakes I made, in trying to control, manipulate, and change my self, in order to chase the guy and get that fictitious dream.

I can tell you what I learned from all my heart breaks, is that women who are truly loving, don’t need to chase men and change to get them to like us. Codependency comes from crazy women who cling and attach themselves in order to fulfill their own selfish needs, and ignore their insecurities. 

Our journey to love is in learning how to love deeper, emotionally resolve conflict, and create the love we really desire, by daring to become that love. 

The moment ladies fall into subconscious traps and patterns in order to get the fairy tale, is the moment we fall into our own suffering, and often fail to see it. Although time and people may tell us there is a deadline to happy ever after, what I know is it is all actually quite divine. Only in being willing to find ourselves, know ourselves, and love ourselves, can we actually begin to create harmonious relationships.

It is a cliche, however, real love come by loving ourself, and becoming the love we truly desire. Believe me, that takes time and inner work. It is the princess who is willing to become royal, whole, and complete, who is able to actually become a true Queen. By dealing with our emotional outbreaks, anger, traumas, and ignorance, we begin to grow fuller into our soul loving self.

Although, most of us, only know the former feminine princess archetype as someone who needs to be saved, what we all have to realize, is that idea cannot work anymore. If fact, thinking a balanced relationship is a codependent man who does everything, is very fictitious. It is up to all of us individually to step into our own power and truth, and realize who we are, who we are not, and learn to create real loving relationships with everyone.

We will issues trying to control getting our fantasy, and living in fear with reactions. I’ve witnessed it myself, and have been in those shoes. What I’ve learned, is the best heart break, comes from the most toxic and hypnotic relationships. Though in the moment, we may think we are in love, we are often blinded by the self sabotage we are actually creating. 

Trust me ladies, conforming to please a guy, trying to use sex to seduce him, and emotionally reacting to your own mental games, will keep you in fantasy land, that usually ends in a divorce. Until, women are willing to grow up, mature, and get out of that old fairy tale paradigm, they will never be truly healed, or fully loving.

It can be hard to confront our loneliness, see through our delusions, and be willing to form new perspectives. Believe me, walking away from a karmic toxic relationship is not easy. In fact, I think love forces us to feel and go through some tough heartbreaks and challenges, in order to grow more loving and strong within ourselves. Of course, clinging to people, and being unwilling to confront our own beliefs and behaviors, can keep us in codependent and loveless relationships that cannot last a lifetime.

We all have our own karma to work through in a lifetime. Relationships help us, if we are willing to grow. Because of the high divorce rates and loveless attitudes of the past, most of us still don’t fully know how to love. Because we desire that fairy tale, want the wedding, and think we know best, we unconsciously sabotage ourselves, and other people around, in order to try to get what we want. I have seen many women chase men, and do whatever they can to get that ring and wed. I can tell you they are not happy, and are not in a truly loving and balanced relationship. Some women have ruined families, and said some awful things in order to get their way.

The mind does silly things, when it cannot connect fully with the heart.

When people are unwilling to confront themselves, and create peace and a loving relationship, there cannot be a real fairy tale romance that lasts forever. Though in the moment, it all may seem fine, I know that having kids and a home, will not solve the deeper issues or resolve the problems that everyone needs to face in a lifetime.

Thank goodness, I am no longer in my twenties. I made it out alive, grew fuller into myself, learned to confront my evil ways, negative behaviors, and loveless patterns and attitudes. Yes, I’ve confronted a lot of fear too. I know no one wants to live alone or be alone, however, I’ve realized that being alone is the only way to actually find and feel real love. If we cannot be alone with ourselves, and value and love who we are, we are often still holding on to that dream of someone saving us.

When we are clear in who we are, what we want, and what our bigger goals and dreams are, beyond getting a wedding, we can then begin to live a lot more secure, happy, and self fulfilled.

I am a crazy dreamer. I like to imagine, and I do believe. However, through my own yellow brick road ride of life, I’ve come to realize that no matter what we want, it cannot be attained until we choose to become that within our heart and in our life. True integrity in loving ourself and others, is a rare gem to find.

We all have challenges and obstacles to confront in a lifetime. Our mental and emotional games, insecurities, and self sabotage, must be acknowledged before we can get that fairy tale. We all need to create more peace and love within.

I do believe in fairytales, don’t get me wrong. I know now that it comes from having an open heart, and loving mind. All people and relationships come into our lives to teach us, help us grow, and let us evolve, if we let them. The moment we cling and hold on, and think we know what’s best, we cause conflict. The more separation we create, the more fearful we become, and the more we miss our own opportunity to fall deeply into love, and to truly live well.

So ladies, I advise you to quit trying to get that fairy tale, and find that perfect prince. Instead, choose to grow into a Queen. Become the best version of you, and take time to mend the inner conflict, confront those parts that feel wounded, and do your best to heal those limitations held in the mind and body. 

Rise up, control your feelings, speak kind words, and dare to dig deep into your heart, and know that by believing and becoming, life will help you achieve that movie fairy tale you truly desire… and you won’t know how it manifests, and the less you think and control, the more magic you will surely create. 

Rather than thinking love is found in prince charming, we all can realize that love is actually in every moment, with all kinds of people, and through transforming our mind, in order to fully connect and live from our own heart.