I have been desperately asking the Universe for help for a long time.

I have suffered with suicidal depression for more than twenty years and have spent a lot of this time self-medicating with alcohol, sugary foods and prescription medications.  I thought if I tried really hard, meditated continuously and studied the life stories of enlightened beings that I could one day awaken to inner peace.  Well I woke up – but it definitely wasn’t what I expected.  In fact, it happened during a two month hospitalization in a mental hospital after which I was discharged feeling better than I could ever have imagined.

The doctors might tell you that my incredible recovery was due to a change in medication.  This was a factor but I truly believe I also had a very powerful awakening.

After a horrifying night where a fellow patient continually shouted “I can’t take it”, I experienced a miraculous shift.  It became crystal clear to me that it was futile to continue to obsessively dwell on all of my problems when I had the power to change my thinking and perceive my life differently?  I had spent years working on this but now I finally got it!  How did this make sense – I had just spent the entire night lying awake in a hospital listening to the cries of another patient?  But at some point her rhythmic, repetitive words became a mantra and I had the thought that maybe this woman is a Buddha and she is here to teach people like me to wake up.

Did the Universe send this fellow patient to me just like the angel Clarence was assigned to George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  As this classic movie began, George was seriously contemplating suicide.  However, after Clarence showed George how vital his existence was to his family and everyone in Bedford Falls, George suddenly had a mind shift and saw his life in a completely different light.  Yes, this is the movies but I believe it shows that we all have the power to change our world by shifting our thinking.

Despite my profound experience that night, my new found inner peace was continually tested as I spent a further six weeks in the hospital.  I still saw and felt the daily heartbreak of patients with both debilitating mental and physical ailments – but I was able to feel the sadness in the moment and then let go.  I radically accepted that parts of life really suck and that is just the way it is.  At times, I practiced being the “detached observer” and was simply the experience.  I also refused to allow myself to get caught up in any “poor-me” thinking.

This gave me the ability to deeply connect with some of my fellow patients and I was often astounded at the sacredness and beauty of these moments.  For example, I would share my laptop with a woman who had schizophrenia and had been institutionalized or homeless for a large portion of her life.  We would watch YouTube videos together and it still gives me shivers when I think of the songs she would choose.  “In the Arms of an Angel” by Sarah McLachlan and “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. –

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life
Well hang on.

The lyrics couldn’t have been more profound and my heart would just melt.

In hindsight, my hospitalization could have been an absolute nightmare because there were a lot of really awful and incredibly scary people and events. We have all seen movies that take place in asylums.  However, with my incredible shift in awareness, I chose to see my experience as a gift and actively looked for things to be grateful for every day.

So to wrap it up – I wholly recommend asking the Universe for guidance and practicing whatever spiritual callings appeal to you.  We all have the power to manage our minds and perceive our best life.  Just be careful what you ask for – you never know where or when the “peace that surpasses all understanding” will appear.