LOVE IS THE BEST GIFT OF NATURE.

But some people (like me) really have not so good luck when it comes to love. Well I will share my story today. When my heart got broken for the first time (about 3 years ago) I was in depression for months. My heart was broken and I lost my reason to fall in love again. But Luckily I had support of a great family and good friends so I never tried to end my life (which most people do after failing in love). But somehow, i used to feel lonely all the time even if I was surrounded with a lot of people who actually loved me. My relationship with my ex was one sided. We were in a relationship but all the efforts were one-sided. He never actually loved me. I am glad now that it ended. That relationship made me careless about even those people who were actually there for me. I couldn’t see or feel the love of my loved ones. I needed their support more than they showed me. And that is why i doubted their love towards me also.

Maybe this is what happens when one love/relationship fails. We start to doubt the love of other people too. I started having negative feelings about my best friend, who was there for me but not in a way i wanted her to. At that time, i needed love more than ever. But people show their love in their own way & not in a way in which we want/need it. And that’s when i realized that Love belongs to the person who has love and not to a person for whom they have love. Most of the people expresstheir way in the best way when they need it to. Not when even they know that the other person needs it.

Months passed. My bestie wanted me to move on with a new personand start to feel the bliss of love again. But I am a kind of a person who just can’t love someone intentionally. Lol. I can only love when it comes naturally. I was getting many proposals from good guys but my heart didn’t seem to be ready to fall in love again. So i decided to wait till my heart becomes ready for love again. I still had hope that one day i will find my happily ever after and my right person will come at the right time.

I never searched for love again. I didn’t want to compromise my heart and love. I am full with passion for intense love so i rejected all the mediocre things. When we love naturally that is true love. When we have to love someone, that is compromise.

Two years passed. & then came the year 2018. I have become a very positive person in life who was worrying about nothing and focusing on her goals in life. And in the midst of that busy life, I met a new person who became my best friend. He & I became closest in just few days or weeks. We shared each and everything about our life. It felt like we knew each other from a very long period of time. At that time i got in touch with my ex again. He tried to contact me. But for the first time after our breakup it happened that I was not affected by his texts at all. I was talking with my new angel (my best friend) and i didn’t even think about my ex. That was the time when I realized that i am completely over him and now I am ready to love again.

It took nearly three years for my heart to heal and get prepared to love again. But I didn’t think about getting into relationship with my best friend. I was not sure about his feelings. But i didn’t care if he was into me or not. I was just happy about getting over my past relationship completely. I realized that I was in love. Now with a person who understands me completely. I realised that I was happy from all my heart after a long time. Then I created my own happiness as they say that you should try to be happy. During the past two years, I was only trying to be happy but was not actually happy. Yes I was normal but after a long time, I felt that butterflies in my stomach which died some years back. They rose again but ….

(Now comes the plot twist : How my happy story turned into a tragedy )

only to die again in that stomach only in which they rose again. Yes! I was heartbroken again. I didn’t even get the chance to share with him my heart’s happiness which is caused by his warm comfort. How I was feeling those butterflies again only because of him and how he was happy in his journey to share his feelings for my bestie (who was her friend also). So this is how It turned to be a Love Triangle and I was the one who got neglected. Who was heartbroken, once again. And now my pain was doubled.

The one-sided lover in me (who was broken in a way in which she couldn’t imagine being whole again) was so shattered that she was not even in a position to express what truly my feelings were in front of him. He was the happiest with her. He got the love of his life in my best friend (which is the most tragedic part of my story). I am not able to share my feelings to the ‘two’ most important people in my life. One to the person for whom i feel and other, to my bestie from whom i never hidden anything about my life.
What else can I do in this situation? … My two most favorite people are happy together. Why should I make things more complicated for three of us.

But my what about my broken heart ? I am sure you would also be thinking the same. Well, I am now learning to become more stronger than before. Its not easy to see the person you love with someone else. But it is even deadly to see him with your own best friend. But we just have to accept the things and move on. That’s the only option we have. The following quote best describes the condition of my heart :

” The heart will ache.

And break.

And shatter

And mend

And beat again

And beat fast again.

That restless heart.”

So this is what my story has been since now. From a one sided relationship to one-sided love. I am still trying to fix myself again. I am not giving up on love ever even if my heart is shattered to pieces again and again. I still believe in moving on but now with the double amount of pain in my heart. I am still trying to remain more stronger than ever. I am still trying to believe that love is made for a person like me too. I am still trying to fix my shattered pieces once again. Once again, I am on the journey of self created happiness.

Now that I know that I am in a helpless state in which I can neither cry not shout out my pain to anyone. But also i don’t want to dig into that negative state again. I still want to believe in love. Maybe one day i shall get to a point in which all my broken pieces are mended permanently and I will realize why I went through what I went through.

Never stop believing in love even if you are feeling like you are a failure in love. You are never a failure. Even if your situation is out of control, but you still got all the control. If you want to taste the best love, you first have to go through the worst. We all are going through it together. My hope in new person was shattered but my hope in the magic of love will never be. I will never run from love. Because no matter how hard you try to keep your heart safe, one day someone will come into your life and topple your world over in a way no one has before, and you won’t even realise it.