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January 31, 2019

Anxious Lullaby- A Letter From Am intruder- What It’s Like to Live With Anxiety

Hi, it’s me again. I thought I’d say hello.

In the most obstructive way possible, I’m here to let you know.

You can’t pretend I do not exist. I won’t take you by the hand, I will lock you up at the wrists.

Watch as I take over your body and mind…

I will blur your vision and cause you to go blind.

You may swallow me whole some days so let me repeat-

The lightning will shoot down your throat and burst out your feet.

The thunder of of me is what you can’t see.

I’ll crash your car while you’re trying to readjust your seat.

Your self worth is heavy and you’re not good enough.

You don’t need to figure out why waking up is so tough.

I will chase away anyone you ever loved.

I will make sure you’re unprepared for the storms above.

I bring you freedom from pain and loss.

Because I won’t allow any ther feeling to be the boss.

I will force you to leave jobs that brought you stability.

Because I know deep down you’re always waiting for me.

Why fall in love, it is a curse.

Because when I am here, I come first.

I control the thoughts in your brain.

I will help show you that you are insane.

I am a catch 22 you see?

You can’t be happy without calling on me.

You can only be alone to shut me down.

You must let go of what you fear to lose if you want me in the ground.

When you are alone I can finally rest.

Because each and every day I give you my best.

Do you feel me when you sleep?

I am your nightmares engraved so deep.

You wake up and can’t figure out what is real.

You no longer know what it is that you feel.

I am confusing, yes I know.

You can’t ignore me, because inside I grow.

When you go out and feel so low,

you can’t hide the anger that is starting to show.

I made a bed for you to lay.

Where all of your problems won’t go away.

Why should they? You must deal with them now! Or lay with them forever cuz reaching for help, I just won’t allow.

Do you remember when you and I met?

You were just a little girl full of regret.

Maybe you were seven years old.

Paying the price for problems your parents sold.

Didn’t you feel me through the series that followed?

I was there for you, I helped you become hollow.

I was the reason you could run from the pain.

I was the willow tree when the whole world was rain.

You see when you have nothing I am here for you.

No one else is coming… no one wants to.

You let me show them how careless u can be.

You have allowed yourself to be me.

Oh, but you were almost happy?

Only for a moment now let me set you free.

You can’t numb me with weed.

I will just come back vengefully.

Work out until you collapse in defeat.

You can’t work me out of your brain you see.

I come with locks and chains.

I steal your breath away the moment it is gained.

I will turn your weakest part into a heart of steel.

I am the starvation you see in your next meal.

I am the loss of appetite keeping you thin.

I make you wonder where to begin.

I bring your blood to a boil in your veins.

I am the voice that drives you insane.

Are you exhausted? I did that for you.

I helped you spend all that money you blew.

I will waste you with worry about what happens next.

I’m am honoured to have helped your first love become your ex.

Do I make you dizzy? I am an awkward move.

Like checkmate in a chess game as soon as you find your groove.

No, you can not see me just yet.

I won’t arrive until your plans have been set.

As soon as you feel almost at ease.

I will push you right back down to your knees.

I will show you why they needed to leave.

You’re not good enough I have made you believe.

I am not easy to defeat..

Some days I am impossible to beat.

I will leave you with nothing to lose.

I am what ties the knot in your noose.

I am what saves people from you.

I am the reason you haven’t improved.

I am the reason you cannot escape all

the emptiness I can create.

One day you may find a way.

But until then I am here to stay.

I laugh when you think you can get over me.

Good luck with that.

Forever yours,

Anxiety ?

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