It sounds like a bit of a gloomy topic, doesn’t it?

At the outset, let me hasten to say that I am not about to recommend that we all go about with long faces, mourning our losses. But it is an important topic, and I believe it is one too often inadequately managed in dealing with hearing loss. Not everyone of course is emotionally affected by hearing loss, but many people are, and how that is handled can be of critical importance to their well being and rehabilitation.

Grief acknowledged and handled can free up our energies for positive problem–solving and getting on with our lives. Grief unacknowledged and buried can consume energy and show its face in denial, angry bitterness or ongoing depression.

Because I was too young to understand, I didn’t get to grief for my hearing loss. Many of you will have heard of the Kubler-Ross model of grieving, originally developed to understand and assist the process of coming to terms with our own impending death or the death of a loved one. It describes a process whereby the grieving person goes through a variety of feelings of pain, denial, sadness and anger, before final acceptance of the changed reality is reached.

Grieving takes time. There is no one right way to grieve. It is most important that the process not be rushed or suppressed and that that the full range of feelings be permitted expression.

Counsellors have found this model can be applied usefully to all kinds of losses. Encouraging people to unburden sadness or anger helps them get through and recover from crisis situations or setbacks. Bringing buried sadness or anger out in the open can relieve some types of depression very readily.

But what happens in rehabilitation for hearing loss? It is my observation that hearing impaired people are rarely encouraged to give expression to painful feelings about the many losses they are encountering – or anticipating – in losing their hearing. The rehabilitative focus for hearing loss is usually overwhelmingly practical, focusing on acquiring a hearing aid, developing skills in Lip Reading, Sign language, learning hearing tactics, trying out assistive listening devices, etc. etc.

Perhaps it is the urgency of finding ways to cope that can cause the need to grieve and reach some kind of psychological adjustment to be jumped over. I suspect this accounts for some of the failures in rehabilitation.

Unfortunately some hearing impaired people do retreat into bitter solitude. Some deny they have a problem hearing at all and blame a noisy world and people mumbling for their difficulties. Some do purchase hearing aids and then rarely use them. Some do lead sad, unnecessarily restricted, lonely lives.

One author, Carmen, in a 1983 book, Positive Solutions to Hearing Loss examined this issue, linking the outcomes of a decision to acquire a hearing aid with the stages of the Kubler-Ross process the person is experiencing. He highlighted the risk, if anger or depression is still dominant, of transferring negative feelings about having a hearing loss to the aids. It might be better to wait until some adjustment and acceptance is achieved.

As for what I can remember as a young child, I had just got on with life, adapting to the best as I could. Living in the world of full hearing then full deafness. I personally don’t remember the transitioning and I do remember a lot of anger, a lot of frustration. I personally cant remember how I coped and got pass that stage, maybe I never did until adulthood.

The need to grieve is perhaps more obvious in those of us whose loss of hearing has been a sudden shock. But it cannot be assumed that because a loss of hearing has been lifelong or progressive that it has been accompanied by progressive acceptance. Frozen states of sadness or anger can persist and interfere with adjustment. And painful shock can be precipitated in people with progressive hearing impairment by sudden confrontations with the accumulating losses.

Experiences that trigger awareness of such issues as:

the extent of withdrawal from previously valued activities,

the vanished pleasure in favourite music or sounds,

the necessary relinquishment of aspirations for the future,

nostalgia for the old easy participation in casual conversations,

can set off once more the need to grieve and come to terms with hearing impairment.

So, what are we going to do about it? For a start, let’s not be frightened of grieving. We are a bit too much of a ‘stiff upper lip’ culture I suspect. Grieving is a normal process for getting over setbacks in life. But it can take courage sometimes, particularly if we are frightened that if we let ourselves identify all the losses and experience all that pain we may never come out the other side.

Some people get stuck in the angry stage of grief, perhaps instinctively preferring feeling powerful anger to powerless sadness. But there is plenty of evidence that grieving does lead to recovery and engagement with the new identity, to understand that you haven’t changed as a person. The Hearing Loss doesn’t change who you are, what you do, although it may mean you need to find another path to achieve what you want.

For me, it meant I learned Sign Language to give me a clear access to conversations, a language that is visual, using every aspect of my body & face. with Lip reading, i found that i was misunderstanding more than understanding because i was missing words which gave the conversation a completely different meaning, wheres sign language is simple, visual, and clear.

Having hearing loss/deafness shouldn’t stop you from having a social life, interacting with others, however its beneficial for both parties if you can be open and let them know how you communicate, weather surroundings is too noisy or muffled for you, be open to ask people to repeat things, being confident that you know your method that works for you, sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find what works best for you there is no right or wrong way.

To find out more about deafness & sign language

www.igniteyourinnerlight.co.uk

to sign up for sign language classes

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