“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~ Nelson Mandela

Almost two years ago, I mentioned to some close friends and family that I wanted to take a trip by myself. Not surprisingly, I was met with some incredulity and disbelief—after all, I was the last person anyone ever expected to want to venture out on their own. At the time, it was one of those ideas that sounded nice and so it went on the things I would like to do list for the future when I had the time, the money, and, most importantly, the courage.

In late 2018, the clouds parted ways and the stars aligned in a good enough form in that I had enough time, enough money, and just borderline enough courage. It was clear that the Universe was giving me a nudge and through some hesitation, I gave myself no further room for indecision and started planning.

This was about the time where fear stepped in. I had traveled a little bit, but not enough to award myself any honor badges and the act of traveling felt foreign, exotic, and elusive. I was one of those people who stared at the rotating wallpaper on my computer daydreaming of all the places I wanted to see someday. Someday meaning when I had someone to go with or the guts to go out on my own.

Fear is an effective deterrent. It will stop us from accomplishing anything worthwhile or anything we think of as extraordinary, but, there is nothing so big we cannot achieve if we take the chance to show up. Maybe traveling alone is on your list, maybe it is changing something about yourself, or maybe changing careers—anything is possible if we take the chance and remember that we are the ones who measure our own success.

However, we first need to move past the fear and battle the dialogue in our own heads—our minds are incredible tools and can talk us into and out of almost anything.

As I prepared to leave, anxiety perched on my shoulder and whispered bits of worry into my ear trying to convince me to stay. Who would I talk to? Who would be in my photos? Isn’t it dangerous? Why was I doing this anyway? My thoughts oscillated from doubt to excitement on this emotionally exhausting pendulum swing, but I convinced myself to move forward one step at a time. Any big goal is easier to digest in chunks.

Wallowing in our emotions is effortless as long as we allow ourselves to stay in that space. I’ve learned to put a name to the feeling—like almost anything, sometimes putting a name to the face makes it less intimidating. I realized that I was afraid of being lonely, being bored, my safety, and I had self-doubt.

So, how did I face my fears and move forward? Well, to put it simply, I stepped into it. It sounds easy enough, but moving past it is no small feat. Sitting in an uncomfortable feeling is difficult—but, keep in mind that the end of the feeling is inevitable. Fears are just feelings and as quickly as they come, they go. Our job is to allow them to run their course without judgement or irrational action.

With one foot in front of the other, I departed San Diego in September 2018 for a two-week trip through the U.S. by train. And, this is what happened.

Two days into my trip, I had an overwhelming feeling of being so far from everything, disconnected from who I was, and in this space of profound loneliness. It would have been easy to gather my things and head home, defeated. But, I sat with the feeling for a minute, texted a friend, and then took myself out for a walk. I didn’t know where I was heading, but I just walked the streets, listened, and watched people. I sat and looked up at the moon and noticed that the starts shone a little more brightly than at home. It came me to that wherever I am, we all look up at the same sky. We are all connected regardless of how alone we may feel. This became my crutch for pushing forward.

We think that because we are alone, we’ll get bored. It never happened for me. I had long stretches of travel, but I was busy watching the scenery, talking to my neighbor, writing in my journal, reading a book, listening to a podcast, or sleeping.

I took a mini road trip to the Apache Death Cave outside Flagstaff, Arizona. As I stood on the brink of the cave looking down, I was overcome with a sense of worry for my safety. I didn’t have any reception, I was by myself, and there was no one around, so I decided to leave. Our safety is a valid concern and we have to remember that when we are traveling alone, we have to be a little more rational about our decisions and be aware of our surroundings.

Self-doubt came and went throughout various points. I realized that the fluctuation of emotions is what makes any experience rich. I was able to appreciate the doubt, the loneliness, the excitement, the sadness, and the joy. It all came together and weaved an intricate experience that pushed me to find myself, reshape who I was, learn self-reliance, empower myself, and find a new level of connection.

During my trip, I visited five cities, traveled through 15 states, saw two national forests, hiked in the Red Rock State Park, walked along the Mississippi River, biked along the Colorado River, fed ducks on the Michigan River, hiked up the Hanging Lake trail in Colorado, saw the Tree of Life in New Orleans, and connected with people from all over the world.

More than anything, I felt gratitude. Gratitude for the opportunity to get out of myself. Gratitude for understanding my own greatness within my world. And, gratitude for the experience of solitude and contemplation. Traveling alone yields a period to slow down and reflect.

Like Nelson Mandela said, a brave soul is one who conquers their fear. If we cage ourselves because of fear, we cannot allow ourselves to expand and grow. Maybe you would like to travel alone or maybe there is something else on your list that you’re hesitating to do. My advice is to analyze what is holding you back, reflect if it is real, and push through it one step at a time. If we push ourselves just a little bit more, we find ourselves in a place of a little less fear and a little more courage.

Remember that our life is ours alone and we choose how we experience it.