I often wondered why those left behind were referred to as “survivors ” in an obituary, until I became one. Then I understood all too well that most days that is all us left behind can do…merely survive. Of course, most of us have mumbled “I wish I was dead”, not meaning it to its fullest extent. I have one cousin and one dear friend that have committed suicide. The first was my beautiful cousin. He entered the room smiling and left everyone in it smiling. As he sat in a restaurant with friends sipping wine across the street from his house, joking, laughing he simply said “I have to go home for a minute.” Another round of wine fills his and everyone’s glasses. As the sounds of sirens fill the air no on notices. When the fire truck, ambulance and police pull up and stop in his driveway everyone notices. No one was allowed in but could see his feet dangling. WHY?? Have you ever heard the sound of a wounded animals cry in the wild? That is the sound your Mother makes as she is notified her child no longer lives before she hits the floor. Friends are left with “why? What did we miss?” And to hold in your hands a suicide victims last written words will never be forgotten. His Mom can’t look at his pictures. She cries all day on his birthday. I’d have driven 2 hours to be with you talking all the way if you’d only called. Surely once in a lifetime. I became friends with a British woman via Facebook. We spoke daily. Made plans for a trip. I stayed on the phone with her all night when she was scared. I did it to save her life. In November of last year I was unable to contact her for three days. As I sat on my patio at 11pm to smoke I came across her sister announcing her suicide. I stared, re-read, shook, yelled “You promised me you’d call me before you did this!”. I no longer sit on the patio. That was our time. If you are thinking about suicide today please reach out to someone. I’m always available. You are loved, even when it doesn’t feel like it. STOP. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND CONSIDER US SURVIVORS FOR A MINUTE. Your action will change us FOREVER. Please reach out to someone and if they fail you find someone else. Life won’t always be this bad. I promise! I’m ALWAYS AVAILABLE. Reach out to me. I offer you a drama free zone with a non-judgemental person to listen all night if that’s what it takes to save your life.