Growing up I had a tumultuous relationship with parties. They were rarely fun, someone always cried, the cakes were cheap, yet it was devastating when you weren’t invited. Not to mention they were boring. The same thing over and over. Activity. Game. Present. Cake. Game. Activity. Game. Present. Cake. Game. Throw in some balloons and boom—every parent’s recipe for the perfect party, and every independent ornery kid’s idea of a nightmare.

Then as we got older, and parental hovering diminished, parties became fascinating. No longer were we sticking the tail on the donkey or swinging a bat in hopes of emptying the piñata of its goodies—no. We were kissing in closets, awakening the spirits from the Ouija board, and daring each other to do embarrassing things. Parties suddenly became the breeding ground for rebellion, and if you couldn’t attend, you’d be left out of the gossip for weeks. The stakes went up.

Next high school hits, the parties continue to be revolutionary, and not only are parents not hovering: they are out of town! The possibility of destruction, chaos, and rumors triple. As do the size, and types of beverages. We trade cakes for special brownies, presents for kegs, and invitations for mass text messages.

The incremental progression of parties is reflective of our own evolution. As we grow and morph, they follow suit. It’s no wonder the phrase “life is a party” fits—our parties follow the arch of our lives. They mold and shift over time, and ultimately the last one you attend, is the one in your honor. And being that each year of our life is marked in time not simply by a changing of age, but a coming and going of a party, it seems rather reasonable, and even astute, to look at life like this.

So if it holds true that life is in fact a party, there are really only two consequential questions:

What is the theme?

And.

Who you going to invite?

A key ingredient to any party, is the motif behind it. In fact as kids, it’s crucial. You try having a Beauty School party when everyone is into Star Wars, good luck showing your face in the cafeteria after that fiasco! No one wants a contoured Chewbacca running around. Well, actually that sounds amazing. (If you are reading this and have a birthday coming up, please have a Drag Star Wars Theme Party).

But honestly, theme can make or break not just you, but the party. One wrong Disney movie theme, and you’ve lost your spot on the kickball team. While the stakes might go down as we age, since recess is no longer an activity we take together, theme remains critical. You wouldn’t invite all your democrat friends to a Praise Trump party, just like you wouldn’t create a Praise Love party for the friend who just got dumped. So if life is our party, our themes must hold the same weight. Are you looking to hold the Everything Sucks, It’s Hard, and I Can’t Do This party? Or does the Make it Happen, We Got This, and It’s all Going to Work Out theme make more sense? Do you want to be the person known among friends who rocks the Fulfillment and Joy fiesta? Or the Disappointment dud? The Go For Your Dreams, or the Complacency is Cool?

Our chosen themes lay the ground work for expectation, and say a lot about us. Someone coming to your party can get quite the snapshot of who you are based on what you created for it, and how it was planned, laid out, etc. And no party need be better than anyone else’s. Sure there are those who might sit back at a party and judge if it was better than the one last weekend, or will be better than the one the next. But typically, those are the people on the sidelines not actually enjoying the party. Which brings me to guest list.

As much as a theme can speak volumes, so do those in attendance, because what’s a party with no one there? And whats predictable of a get together filled with pessimistic, judgmental, a**holes? No matter how grand or spectacular our theme, the execution can fall apart based on those who enter. We know which of our friends it makes sense to invite to our birthday, who will get along and who might not; who will be fun, and who will be wallflowers. We know the impact people are likely to have on our parties. If we see something in a friend or signifiant other that doesn’t fit with  how we want our parties to look, why invite them in? Our lives are no different. We wouldn’t want someone who makes us feel small, unimportant and alone at our party, so why invite them into our lives? If someone comes to a party, squashes its joy, puts on crappy music, and criticizes everyone and everything about it, they’d get kicked out. So, why do we have more tolerance in our lives, than we do our shin-digs?

I realize parties are in the realm of play and fun, and I’m making jokes—but it’s a serious subject. What if we got to pick the theme of our lives? What would you choose? And are you willing to do the planning that it may take? What if we had a say in the people we surrounded ourselves with? And at any moment got to choose to release or keep someone based on if they were empowering or disempowering us?

Well guess what…We can.

We are the unofficial official event coordinators, directors, CEO’s, and planners of our lives. Want yours to be full of ease and joy? Make that the theme! Want to surround yourself with people who love, support, and cherish you? Don’t invite the ones who don’t! It’s high time we started treating our lives as meticulously as we do our parties:

Step One: Be present to the theme you want to create, and then build from the ground up.

Step Two: Be conscious of who makes the list, adorn the role of diligent bouncer.

Step Three: Be willing to be THE ONE. Don’t let others determine how the party goes, lead like you have never led before!

Step Four: Continually ask yourself if your theme aligns with who you want to be on this planet, if so party on; if not, take action.

Step Five: Bask in your party. Connect with it. Care for it. Love it.