I don’t mean to air my dirty laundry, yet I am going to tell you a story…

Quite a few years ago now, we went through a break up – it was a big one.

We had been together on and off, for so many years and literally overnight I said … no more! Your hold on me has to stop! It had been coming for a while though. As much as I tried to branch out into new horizons, it felt like I had been taken over, my outlook had become restricted and I was defaulting to unhealthy dependency patterns.

So I announced the break up publicly … well to myself and a couple of friends that is – it’s over, I said. They gasped! … I am not buying or wearing black clothes anymore, I replied!

We still went shopping, Colour Black and I.

I would go into stores and even though we had stipulated a three month trial separation (aka ban on buying anything black), I would honestly still find myself walking into change rooms with an arm full of black clothes. Go figure!

There we stood Colour Black and I, in a stand-off. I would look, Colour Black would stare back. It hung on the coat hangers, tempting me. Go on just try me on, it whispered. You know I’m safe. You know you won’t be judged. You know you’ll fit in. All sorts of tantalizing tempting words came to lure me back, to the safe hold of our relationship, yet I held strong, even though it was challenging.

I was the Judge on Project Runway Australia at the time and as a true Melbourne-ite (known for their black clothes) I had fallen into the black nest. If the truth be known, I think in the public arena I was finding myself in, I was intentionally trying to hide the real me.

For some, black is a colour that lights them up. That puts wind into their sails. That aides in the expression of their essences. They feel it’s sexiness, it’s intrigue, it’s beauty. It may act as a blank canvas for their own personality to shine through.

Yet for me, it became a crutch. It covered me up, and not in a good way. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I received compliments. Yet inside I knew I was hiding. It felt heavy and I felt a dull ache within. I knew it was the same emotional pattern that was playing out in my everyday life, imprisoning parts of me that longed for acceptance and love.

So, I decided I had to kick this dependency. I had to interrupt this pattern or I was never going to fully express the real me and truly explore the vibrancy that was yearning for expression.

And it worked. Bit by bit, month after month I loosened the hold Colour Black had on me in my wardrobe and I started to date a whole range of colours.

As I listened to my internal dialogue and felt into my heart, I was aware that black had been creating a shield of some sort for me. It closed me off; I was less open and receptive.

Yet with fierce determination, and the discovery of my Style Essences; Elegant, Sensual and Playful, I began to explore and incorporate more colour into my outfits, and it felt so different. I started to breath fuller breathes and my shoulders relaxed. I had more open and welcoming conversations. I would find the playful parts of me expressing themselves again.

I started to enjoy white, which felt so beautifully light and elegant. It felt sensual and I could feel the innocence of the feminine energy tap into my playfulness.

I wear a lot of white now, as well as colour and it feels so good. I feel light, open, receptive and surprisingly, more open to opportunity.

So, we parted on pretty good terms, Colour Black and I. And consequently we can now meet up occasionally. We come together mainly in a group through, not often one on one. It feels too intense, just the two of us. To wear black now, I need space and contrast so as to not have it swallow my energy. Anything too covered up in black, feels like it swamps me and I feel like I am hiding again.

So the deal is, if it’s a black top, it needs to leave some open space around my shoulders or my chest, that way I still feel open and connect with my heart and those around me.  And I team black with colours or white for a stark look and together we really do all get on super well.

So, welcome back black. It’s nice to see you again … let’s just remember who’s in charge though, shall we?

xx