I’ve been told 30 is ‘the BIG one’, the year I should be absolutely losing my mind over the fact that I’m about to leave my twenties and enter into another decade of life. I am turning thirty, I’m not in a long term relationship, I don’t own my home and as far as I know I’m not pregnant. I am turning thirty and I am completely…unbothered. In fact, I love watching the utter confusion and genuine concern on the faces of those I’m speaking with when I explain how excited I am to be turning another year older.  Some helpful individuals will even go so far as to tell me to ‘get a move on’ as if their judgement and gentle encouragement will have me skipping down the aisle of my grocery store trolling for a husband.

When it becomes evident that I will not indulge their concern for the timeline of my life we tend to fall into awkward silences or change the subject entirely. The truth is if this were three years ago, I would be right there with them.  Running around freaking out about the fact that I was seemingly the only woman on Instagram who didn’t have a surprise engagement to announce by posting tons of candid photos of my man’s proposal. Or the only woman who didn’t copy Beyonce’s pregnancy photoshoot to announce my own impending spawn.  Thankfully for me, the urgency has since waned dramatically, if not entirely dissipated.

Okay, in fairness, I did freak out at 27. I am not entirely sure why, maybe it was the fact that 26 felt cute and endearing but 27 was too far on the other side of 25. I booked a trip to Costa Rica and convinced my best friend from Australia to fly half way across the world to meet me and celebrate. Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome, but it was rooted in the uneasiness that was palpable within me.  Fast forward three years later and I am calm, cool and collected.  Why am I not freaking out?

1. I’m single. I know what you’re thinking ‘Red flag Rebecca! This is exactly why you should be freaking out!’ I’ll be 30 next month and no one has attempted to put a ring on it with the hopes of inhabiting my uterus with our offspring. It’s cool with me and let me tell you why. Every relationship I’ve been in up until this point did not feed my soul. I was in them because I was insecure, lonely, scared the list goes on. Not the kind of building blocks you want for a long lasting, loving relationship. Now, at 29 after all the trauma, abuse, loss and health scares I’m finally paying attention to my own wants and needs. Dating myself first before I let anyone else tug on my heart strings.
2.  I’m back home. After 5 years of living away from home and travelling extensively prior to that I’ve settled right back in the same place it all started. Geographical location is of no consequence, what matters is what moving back to my hometown represented for me. When I left five years ago I was determined to ‘prove’ myself, get an awesome job, a house, build a life or at least start collecting the things that I’ve been told are essential to a happy human existence. I actually endured for a year after this realization because I thought coming home would signify my failure at achieving the internal happiness moving away was supposed bring. Turns out I just wanted to come home and be close to my family and friends, that’s what mattered most to me.
3. I’ve experienced major loss. Losing anyone is painful and although I’ve lost a parent, the most recent loss of my childhood friend seem to cut deeper than anything I’ve ever experienced before. She was 29. We had been friends for 26 years. I wrote in her eulogy that I felt ‘left behind by the only other soul on this planet, past or present who made me feel as though I wasn’t alone’. It’s been four months since her passing and that feeling cuts as deep as it did the day I found out. I’m not sure how long the aftershock will last but for the time being it’s forced me to change my perspective. She will never have a 30th birthday so how could I be grappling with the looming thoughts of mine. I even welled up with gratitude for a traffic jam the other day because it’s the mundane everyday (seemingly insignificant) goings on of life that she will no longer be able to experience. I have been blessed with another year that I vow will not be spent at odds with a numerical value.

So, if you ever find yourself on the receiving end of those looks of concern and pity for your current way of life, see if you can veer away from the depth of comparison and ask yourself what are your 3 three reasons for not freaking out. Besides, if you’re not clutching your pearls in shock – why should they?