I have been considering a Yoni massage for a few years now. When I first heard about them, I was intrigued, interested, my ears pricked up. They sounded so powerful and amazing but I never thought I would be brave enough to actually have one myself, never in a million years. Over the years the interest continued but just like most people I put it down for something I could never do. That was until I came across Amy’s work. Amy is the woman behind Temple of She and one of the lead mentors with the Institute of Intuitive Intelligence where I met her. (I am currently in The Institutes 12-month Intuitive Guide training which is much more than the title describes. It has given me the bravery to both do what my soul yearns for and to write this article, so deserves a mention). When Amy explained her process, it felt safe and full of knowledge. You see Amy has another life as a midwife, and who better to receive a yoni massage from that a qualified midwife who has seen it all and knows all things vaginas.

I’m not going to lie I was still utterly terrified but Amy was coming to Perth for a Yoni massage tour (how Rockstar) and it felt like if I was ever going to do it now was the time. A now or maybe never moment, So I jumped. The impending loom before the massage was hard, I had booked it a few months in advance of it happening but it went very quickly. Whenever a friend I had told about it asked I would have to say I can’t really talk about it, it brings up too much fear and my ego would halt it. Booking the massage felt full of shame, icky tar like shame. A shame of feeling like I was asking for it, like I was putting myself in a high-risk situation for abuse, Like I had just paid someone to have sex with me. And this stayed with me the whole time leading up to it. But the push from my soul and the pull to be free of this shame was stronger than what my ego was throwing up at me.

The day of my session came and Amy had put up a picture of the room and setup where it was to take place and I felt more prepared. I google mapped where I was to go and drove past early preparing my mind to not be stepping to much into the unknown, keeping myself somewhat safe. And then I went and sat at the ocean contemplating and reflecting just how far I had come to be here, just how supported and held by my fellow sisters I was training with and those around me to feel safe and free enough to do this. I google mapped again how to get there from where I was and to the utter shock of my safely kept ego it was a different location to where I had first been taken to, smash there goes my familiarity with the location but it was ok. I arrived to a warm welcome from Amy and she showed me to the room, BAM no way!! She had to move the set up to a different room because of unforeseen works outside the window of the gorgeous place she had rented. All of my mental preparation was thwarted with the changes to my safely held ideas but were all in place to show me that I could step into the unknown without preparation. I was safe, I was held and all was ok.

The lead up to the massage was probably the worst bit, sitting there talking with Amy about what was going to happen, reality kicked in, I fled my body and Amy brought me back, constantly holding me in safety. The yoni massage started with a full body massage and I was surprised this was the hardest bit for me. Everything we spoke about that may come up, came up right at the very start. It was uncomfortable but I voiced it, I gave voice to every uncomfortable, shameful, terrifying fear that came up in my body.

This part and getting to the point of the yoni massage was the longest and hardest part for me, I had to surrender and my inner child didn’t like it one little bit, my ego held on tight and opposite to what I may not have done to myself in previous years, I did not force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. I gave her space, a voice, a no and Amy held me so beautifully in that same space. Once my body said yes and I surrendered to physical touch of my yoni all my fears had subsided, all my worries about this being a sexual thing that I may not want disappeared and I was with my body. In my womb, present and there for what needed to unfold.

My inner feminine goddess came forward and held my inner child tight. She took her by the hand and told her she can step down now, she can return to innocence and that she had this now. She would take the lead of this life from power and love not from fear of being unsafe.

After my session I felt so in my body, so present and this has carried on through. I envision that moment whenever my inner child feels unsafe. The moment my feminine goddess took charge. Not out of force but out of me surrendering to an inner power, an inner wisdom that I had never felt safe enough to do.

A yoni massage is a different experience for everyone and would most likely be different every time, will I ever know? This work is something my soul required for me to serve at my greatest capacity. It reminded me that I am brave. But bravery requires discernment, bravery requires following your soul from a place of knowing. You can’t be brave for everything that is offered to you as they are not your calling, those things may not be for you. I’m not sure if I would need to ever do it again but if my soul called, I would follow and that’s where I am able to come from now, fully and unapologetically.

Tanya Monique