The cacao night ceremony

We sit in a large room with a wooden floor, there is a garland above my head reflecting bulbs of light in the air. People are silent now and the door’s bell sings to welcome more participants as I wait.

In the center of our circle, there are yellow, orange and pink flowers arranged in a large mandala who lays on the floor.

The room smells Sage, the same perfume that embalmed my clothes, when I got smudged by the lady at the door entrance to purify my negative energy.

Finally someone close the door and we are sitting in a big circle around the mandala still silent while a man with Afro hair starts speaking in Portuguese; people smile. I can recognize the word “corazon” so I smile too.

They spell words and set intentions while churning the hot cacao, and they pass our bowls from hands to hands with the dreams and love of so many hearts melt in this cacao mixture that we have to drink together.

I think of my heart, how to repair it? Salty tears are rolling to my mouth. So I drink the cacao and I lay down with the others, holding their hands even if I don’t know who they are, all I know is I can feel what they feel.

We listen their drums who seems coming from a far primitive world, they whisper in my ears, they chant, they whistle and I let their visions coming to me. The taste of the raw cacao enveloping my all mouth and tongue, the taste of my raw open heart beating in my chest like a raging drums.

I see him in my dreams… Tears are rolling again.

The sound stops, it is been one hour or maybe more and I feel I came back from a temple from another dimension hosted by ancient spirits.

They share with me a crystal, they say that I have to remember.

Now I go out, it is night but I feel this morning joy inside and I go to bed knowing that I deserve love and warm in this existence and I let the moon becoming my mother for the rest of the night.

Yes, I sleep alone, I always do now. My red heart swells tenderly in my chest for you and I do not allow men in my bed. At the end, I still desire a warm body beside me, gently caressing my back, but I am tired of repairing others hearts when I know with who mine belong to.

After this ceremony, it feels pure and light inside me, my head is like a crystal and everything seems clearer.

Some fragments from my old impressions that I didn’t let go remind, like drinking coffee together, naked on the bed while listening my music from the JBL speaker and disappearing from this world with you – sinking into the cracks and fall in Love.