The best lover you’ve ever had is already within you.

I’m Ariel White, the founder of My Little Yoni. In this post I’m going to get personal.
I’m going to share a story with you today — a true story — about a Lover journey I made in 2013. It takes place on the luxurious island of St. Barts, deep in the Caribbean. I’ll say right up front that if you’re expecting an escapade with a tanned French-speaking surfer or a wild night with a cabana boy, that expectations don’t usually pan out. The true magic of this story relates to unlocking your inner Lover. Some of the keys to doing this in your own life will be highlighted throughout my telling of the journey… 

April, 2013 

It had been a powerful two weeks that began with a random dream about Richard Branson, where I asked him to snap a photo of a group of women I’d positioned (he joyously obliged). What proved to be even more wild than the dream was when the next morning (fully awake), I received a phone call from my best friend, Renee Airya, who literally invited me to go to Necker Island and participate in a mastermind with Sir Richard B himself! 

“Okay…worth paying attention to,” I thought. 

Guided by the mysteries of my dream’s prophecy, I did indeed voyage to the Caribbean. My greatest highlight from Necker emerged through a potent ritual Renee and I facilitated for a group of powerhouse female leaders, (including the remarkable, original Nü Icon, Laura Hollick), around birthing our deepest contributions in the world. 

Liberated Lover Lesson # 1: 

Listen to your Intuition 

Following your intuition is key. This can look like getting guidance from “the mystery,” receiving messages out of dreamtime, or listening to those quiet feelings in your body that most people ignore, but that the Lover honors as profound wisdom. The Liberated Lover makes a point of cultivating her intuition in some way every day. The simplest practice for this is working with your dreams: before bed each night, set the intention to receive guidance in your sleep. Trust that it is so. Whether you remember your dreams in the morning or not is irrelevant. Trust that your subconscious is receiving your intentions each night and working with them. Take some time each morning to ponder and even record what you do remember about your dreams. And no matter what, create a few minutes each night before sleep to unplug from the digital world (and everything else), to honor your passage into dreamtime. This creates an easy and high leverage way of cultivating your intuition. 

After the Necker Island leg of the journey, I jumped on a boat to have my first sailing adventure with one of my dearest friends. For the week of sailing I committed to a “digital detox” where I was technology free — no Facebook, no emails, no calls. I couldn’t reach out, and no one could reach me! This proved to be one of the most luscious, creative, inspired, embodied weeks of my life. Which brings us to… 

Liberated Lover Lesson # 2: 

Create Space 

Creating SPACE to feel your inner Lover is essential for her magic to ignite… In the technological age it’s common to attend to all the “important” or “urgent” demands of staying connected, in sacrifice of our own inner creative inspirations. This fills up space with outside input, and deadens the stillness it takes to cultivate the sensitivity of the Lover. 

For a Lover to truly let loose and allow her pleasure, inspiration, creativity, and yummy lusciousness to fly, she needs SPACE. 

I challenge you to create one day a week where you are DIGITAL free; no phone calls, no email, no internet (yes this means no Facebook too!). It might be like stopping sugar cold turkey, i.e. challenging, however the rewards are infinite. At the very least, taking time to explore your own feelings, thoughts, time with nature, etc., for a couple hours is a huge start. Begin where you are, and allow more space to be created over time. You won’t be disappointed by the creative flow, embodied stillness, and expanding pleasure that your inner Lover can tap into when you create the necessary space. 

At the tail-end of the “digital detox,” after being enchanted by the sweet isle of Anagada, romanced by the curves of Virgin Gorda, and seduced into creative inspiration by the great Caribbean Sea herself during a 12 hour moonlit sail (I meditated for 7 hours to avoid sea sickness), I was ready for a next level adventure. Buoyed in a harbor at St. Marteen, I received news that we wouldn’t be making the passage over to St. Barts. Something in me protested. I could feel that I needed to go! I broached this with my friend, and his coordinates where clear: stay put. With only 30 minutes before the last ferry departed for the evening, and no car rentals available on the other side or hotel reservation made, (and shaky French language capabilities at best!), I still felt incredibly confident that I must listen to this desire inside of me and go to St. Barts. My friend took the concerned father stance, but he had no choice but to take me to shore to catch the ferry. 

Liberated Lover Lesson # 3: 

Trust your Desire 

To cultivate our inner Lover we must learn to create from the potent, yearning, calling of our desire. It may feel risky sometimes, or not make sense to those around us. Learning to trust our desire and follow its guidance unlocks the power of our inner Lover. 

When we are fully connected to our inner Lover, creating with our desire is natural, easy, and “just the way it is.” Notice how disconnected, fearful, and resistant — or — tapped in, trusting, and in sync with your desire you are in this moment. This is a good barometer for how nourished your inner Lover is feeling. She needs connection to desire to be fed — and when we talk about desire, it’s the deepest wants of your womb, heart, and mind all connected together. Fortunately, relationship to desire becomes more graceful over time with practice. The more you trust your desire, the more trustable your desire becomes. 

The Lover inside of you is the part of you who trusts her desire fully and acts accordingly. She’s a good one to talk to daily. 

Standing on the second floor of the ferry, speeding along the dark sea, I let the wind whip through my hair as I danced, marveling at the majesty of the moon and the powerful feeling of joy and freedom coursing through my body. I was literally sailing into the mystery of this “Lover Journey,” (by the way, my intention for the 24 hours I would have on St. Barts included romancing myself; showing up as my own deepest Lover), with no security, no plan, nothing familiar — my inner Lover couldn’t have been happier! 

Liberated Lover Lesson # 4: 

Say Yes to Adventure 

Whether you call it spontaneity, romance, adventure or reckless abandon, the Lover needs to step out the familiar to feel alive, nourished, valued, and inspired. Imagine setting up an adventure for someone you were in love with — how much magic would go into the creativity of crafting it? Imagine the level of confidence you’d be bringing to the table in order to say, “Take my hand, close your eyes, and trust me. It’s going to be magnificent.” And then to have your beloved say “YES,” and actually step into that mystical romantic adventure with you? Talk about SEXY! 

You can be that muse of spontaneous magic for your own inner Lover starting now! And building those muscles beginning with you will only bode well for any partners you romance (or who want to romance you), down the road. 

I could see the silhouette of St. Barts rapidly creeping up. By this point the Lover inside of me had fully taken over, not a care in the world or a worry in sight. However I was starting to get curious, “Where the heck am I staying tonight?” Almost on cue, walking back down to the lower level, I struck up a conversation with a beautiful French woman I’d been admiring when I first boarded. What we lacked in common language we shared in open-hearted, artistic expression, mutually seeing of each other’s radiance. Once she realized I was homeless for the night, she asked if I wanted to stay at her place. And who was I to say no? Honored, I received her beautiful invitation with a simple “oui.” 

Liberated Lover Lesson # 5: 

Receive Fully 

RECEIVE. Often we put so much energy into output, into doing it all, and being everything for everyone that we’re secretly exhausted and don’t even realize it. Our inner Lover opens up when we are nourished, rested, and luxuriating in a puddle of our own pleasure. “Your cup must runneth over!” proclaims your inner Lover (if you want her to come over and play, that is). 

Receiving is a lifetime journey, so even if you think you’re good at it, I challenge that belief. I’ve been at this practice solidly for ten years and know I’m still only at the beginning. What’s the good news in all of this? Over time, receiving just keeps getting better and better, more and more pleasurable, and comes with deeper ease, grace, and fun. Start with little things like compliments. When someone gives you a heartfelt recognition or compliment, take a moment to pause, breathe, and to really let it in. Receive. If you don’t want to, or feel yourself blocking your receptivity, then check in to that. Is it scary to receive? Why so? 

This whole receiving business, whether it’s emotional, physical, financial, sexual, or spiritual, is incredibly vulnerable. Yes, it is through receptivity that we can open up to more abundance, pleasure, and flow, but it also opens us to the parts of ourselves that believe they need protection. When we are fully receptive, all illusions of protection fall away and we stand naked, exposed, raw — the only way the Lover would have it. Receptivity is the key to opening the fullest range of our feeling. 

After an inspired evening of altar making and song singing, I woke up early to continue my Lover’s journey. I felt inspired and radiant. The café of my choice was not open yet so went to pray by the sea (la mer). I was feeling one of my favorite songs bubbling up out of my Lover heart, “the Altar of Love,” so I sang my heart out and listened to the waves as if in percussive response. 

Liberated Lover Lesson # 6: 

Sing your Lover’s Heart 

Sing to feel free. The Lover inside of us feels everything. And these feelings need to move. Whether through song, through dance, through deep flowing breath, or all of the above, finding pathways to move each feeling and sensation is crucial. The Lover is only capable of feeling as much as she feels because she allows the feelings to flow through her without attaching to any one feeling in particular. If she feels grief, she allows it to move through. If she feels ecstasy, this too shall pass. Often we try to grip on to the “good” feelings and get rid of the “bad” feelings. The Lover knows there is no such thing and she welcomes every sensation. However, the Lover is also smart and knows that certain practices like singing can help move any emotion, especially painful ones, with more ease, grace, and levity. So —with this final “lesson,” I leave you with a song. Please sing along. “How can you offer yourself fully to love?” asks the Lover inside of you. “How can you trust your heart fully and surrender into the way of the Lover?” 

As you may imagine, the journey of the Liberated Lover continued through the day on St Barts, including topless naked swimming, perfume sniffing, new friend making, and espresso sipping musings. And I leave it here, because in truth the path of the Lover has no beginning and no end. The invitation stands: are you willing to take that leap, even for an hour a day, and bring the power, passion, and profound pleasure of your inner Lover out into your waking life? I certainly hope so. There’s infinite beauty to be experienced, and all the other Lovers of the world will be so thrilled to greet you.