We live our lives doing the things we are taught we are supposed to do. We integrate those teachings into the threads of our DNA we carried into this world, and we go forth, trying to do our best in the process. Sometimes we succeed in pleasing others – we bring them joy with our light. Sometimes we please ourselves – and our own light provides a big blast of goodness to our being.

Those two aren’t always in alignment with who we are. 

Looking in the mirror and liking the person looking back is a good feeling. We get ready for the day, we do our hair, put on makeup or whatever accoutrements come with the necessity of our situation. We try to put our best selves on to go out in the world and present that self the best we can. It’s a hard venture sometimes.

Sometimes we don’t feel like going through all the mechanics of what it takes to conform to the norms. Sometimes we get lazy and just roll in whatever get-up happens to be not too dirty or too wrinkled.

Sometimes we just need to ~

Stop.

~and look.
~and observe.
~and hold space.
~and think.

Do we really like that person looking back? Do we get ready for the day because it makes us feel good in doing so, or are we simply going through the motions of the process to fit?

One quiet evening during a recent trip to Monterey, California I was alone in my hotel. My sweetheart and I had planned to be there together, but she wasn’t able to go.  I very much missed her being with me and part of me just wanted to huddle under my blankets, order some food in and watch a movie.  Though I wasn’t really feeling it, I decided it would be healthier to get outside and explore the city streets. So I put on my best self, looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, left my hotel heading out on a walk just to walk, and look, and to observe, and to hold space, and to think. While walking I noticed my shadow on a wall. It was staring back at me in boldness.

So I stopped.
~and looked.
~and observed.
~and held space.
~and thought.

These thoughts came to my awareness ~

Our shadows do tell us so much. The way we present ourselves is only a reflection of who we are. The shadows don’t care about color. The shadows don’t care about our clothes, and they certainly don’t care about how we feel. They only reflect when light shines upon us. That’s what shadows do. That light reflects back on us and creates a rebound of darkness we can see if we only look in the right direction.

And then all the other shadows of the other people present themselves to us in the light. Each one of them is very unique in expression. Each one casts a reflection of their truth. These many shadows interact and sometimes blend into one giant blob of a shadow that makes it hard for us to distinguish what the hell that giant shadow represents. Luckily, It’s not our job to figure that out. Our task is to keep our eyes on our own shadow teacher.

The point is each one of us has a shadow; it’s that dark side of our being that stays hidden when things are bright and sunny. It takes a light from outside to show us where that shadow falls, and when we see it we have an opportunity to ~

Stop.

~and look.
~and observe.
~and hold space.
~and think.

We have a choice right there. We can either keep walking and ignore it, or we can stop and look at it with discernment for a while and breathe, take notice, and decide which direction we want to keep walking.

It’s what we do next that really matters.

Which way do we walk from here?
Do we continue on the same back and ignore our shadow?
Do we just want to stay and stare at that darkness, or…

just or…

Can we light a flame inside of us

That flame is knowledge.
That flame is loving-kindness.
That flame is courage.

We use these things to kindle our flames to become brighter, and eventually that particular shadow is gone.

But we are human and life is such a good teacher.

So we keep walking. We keep putting on the best version of ourselves to go out into the world. Alas inevitably another shadow will present itself.

We’ve learned that stopping and looking is a pretty good idea, so we stop, again. And do the process all over, again.

This is life. 

There is no end-state, there is only practice, and being, and process.

Our work is to stand with awareness of the shadows of ourselves and keep doing what it takes to light the fire of internal light.

And for god sake to smile back more at ourselves in the mirror. 🙂