Allowing Conscious Love to Heal and Grow Us

Insights on healing an old paradigm that lives within the subconscious mind. After having a beautiful yet intense awakening 7 years ago, my journey has been a commitment to my own healing and my own heart.  Through trial and error, sacred rituals have been created to enhance and lock in the awakened behaviors aligned with my health, inner peace, creativity, and prosperity. Becoming grounded, trusting, calm, soft &strong, and forgiving have all been a harmonious dance in my healing journey.

However, last summer I began to feel a bit complacent in my overall ability to expand my heart center. I was sending out a call to the Universe to crack me wide open. I was ready to peel, shed, and blossom. I was ready to raise my frequency through my heart space and radiate light like a beam of a lighthouse. How does one expand the heart center? Some may commit to journeying with plant medicine. Some may enjoy the gatherings where drums, chants, and songs penetrate into their soul. However, expanding one’s heart will be different for everyone depending on one’s past experiences, the present state of consciousness and spiritual growth, and how deep one is willing to go. I can only speak from my personal experiences and perspective while using a voice that shakes at times because expansion will cause an unearthly shedding of an old identity. We tend to continue to use the mind in thinking we are healing, thinking we are living within our heart center, and thinking self-love rituals will be enough. However, just as the conscious healing work begins after a medicine ceremony, conscious healing begins in the mists of being triggered by your love, your partner, your twin flame.

When triggers occur and a reaction begins to boil within, it becomes a conscious choice to create a new program, a new thought process, and new behavior. This becomes an opportunity to embody the aches, pains, fears, chills, shakiness, vulnerability, in confronting those triggers and traumas with a new lens. This lens which exists within the heart. I choose to heal. I choose to grow. I choose to no longer allow a vibration that is causing me to feel anything but love be a part of my makeup. As previously mentioned, I began to feel complacent in expanding my heart space. You see, I had completed a 7-year cycle of healing independently. What a beautiful 7 years it was.

Next on my timeline was calling in a partner to continue my spiritual growth. This is when I met my beautiful man to show me all the ways in which I am not and all the ways I am. This came with compliments, sweet poetry, breakfasts on the weekends, sleeping in on Sundays, and creating works of art. (You know all the things that bring you to life and have you wonder what you were even doing before).

And then there are moments of frustration, worry, anger, confusion, and fear. Areas began to show up that I didn’t even know existed. I knew these thoughts weren’t mine and were filled with false evidence. However, the subconscious mind has an intelligent way of sneaking in and trying to sabotage true bliss, true happiness, and true love. I recognized this as an opportunity to change those old reactions, thoughts, and behaviors.

Using my voice in expressing feelings when these thoughts showed up has been an extremely vulnerable experience for me. I felt shame, I felt fear, I felt embarrassment.

When I want to become quiet, distant, and hold onto an emotion that really is only hurting me, is when the moment of truth revealed itself. I made the choice to ask myself these conscious questions. “Do you want to grow Dia or stay where you are at in this moment”? “Do you want to hold onto this piece of coal to only burn yourself, or are you ready to breathe, experience this space of uncomfortably in growing through this pain”? “Are you willing to share your deepest fears openly in order to strengthen your heart and expand this space for love”?

Simultaneously, I am questioning….. “What if he laughs”? “What if he doesn’t take the time to listen and hear me”? “What if I begin to cry” “What if he thinks I’m silly”? There was only one way to find out. And this is where the 7 years of internal work stepped in and showed itself. Knowing the honorability of being in my heart space and trusting that love I had developed for myself in those questionable moments. Knowing the honorably in holding space by listening with compassion and presence and trusting this would be reflected back to me. So when I began to share with my beautiful man, I know I am going to feel safe. I know I am going to feel loved. I know I am going to be heard.

Being cracked open by my beautiful man was a surprise dose of medicine that I didn’t realize I was calling in. However, I see now that it had to be a beautiful reflection in order for me to see the areas I was calling in to heal, grow, and expand.

Being able to create a new vibration between myself and my love, is indeed part of this healing journey that only two sacred hearts who are committed to one another can do.