My minds been racing this week. Maybe it’s because I have so much to do still for tomorrow’s fundraiser? Maybe its because subliminally, I’m counting down the days that mark 3 years. Three years. That’s it!! Three years and I’m still healing!!!

Let’s rewind a little bit….

Change comes. Change comes when it wants, not when its convenient.

And it doesn’t always ease it’s way into your life. Sometimes, it comes in with what can only feel like a hurricane; ripping out each nail of security established. Breaking down each wall that once protected everything you’ve held so dearly. It forces you to let go and leaves you there in pieces. Broken.

Well, it felt broken…was I broken?

I can remember exactly what it felt like still.

I watched it crack…i felt it spread from top to bottom. I tried to glue it together. But it shattered. I had thought i felt pain before…I was mistaken. What do i do with all of these pieces? Its like a fucking puzzle. Where the hell do they go? How the fuck do they fit? Can this just be done yet? Will it ever be done? Im just gonna leave it here. I don’t want to touch it anymore.

But I had to touch it. As much as I didn’t want to, I had to!! I did exactly what I had to. I handled my shit. I handled it as gracefully as I could, given the cards I was dealt to play with. And lets be clear and real raw in this “handled my shit” statement…I didn’t snap my fingers to wake up whole. I was lost. I had long nights of lessons. I had many fits of losing my shit before getting a grasp on it. And that’s the part people misunderstand most when healing. You have to embrace the emotions. You have to mull them over, chew them up, swish them around, and really experience the full flavor of them. Only then can you really let them go.

I have many battles I still have to overcome. Every single day is new. And life doesn’t stop time. But you adapt. You relearn. You begin to understand. And you finally, in time, begin to live again.

Fast forward to current.

That puzzle I couldn’t fit together, it’s coming along now.

And so I molded the pieces like that of no other, not like of my former self, but as something better.

#transformation #healing #takingmypowerback