Mean Girls Mean Women

by Sherry Ellingson

May 2019

Recently as a country and a society we have had the courage to stand up and speak our truths against all of the men that have harmed us.  There has been braveness in being able to come forward and talk about dark pasts. We want a better world for our daughters: a future where all women are paid the equal amount as the man who is working next to them doing the same job.  We want the same respect and equality.  In return we have the obligation to treat others, man or woman with kindness and respect.

I am here to talk about a different type of injustice and bring light to it.

The mean girls and women who not only treat boys and men rudely without justification but are who also mean to other girls.  Mean women who backstab other women at the work place by stealing her ideas as her own, or the female manager who hires a man for the job vs. the woman, even though they have the same qualifications.  The female manager who is in charge of hiring that gives a higher salary to a man but hires women for the same job at a lower compensation. The female boss that is friendly to the male co-workers but gossips about a woman who is working hard at her job and is on the way to a promotion, and when the time comes she promotes a man.

When was the last time you watched a show on a popular network that was family oriented?  Did you know notice that the girls on the shows always pick on each other? The shows rarely show how girls can have strong friendships, instead they show them fighting and competing over boys and being popular.

Having young girls myself I watch these shows and movies with them, and I’m appalled with the lack of comradery among the girls.  Have you ever watched Modern Family?  The 2 sisters are always picking on each other; it’s the smart one vs. the pretty one.  In all of the years the show has been on air they haven’t shown the sisters getting along or having good female friends.  They have shown them with various boyfriends, sending the message that a boyfriend is more important than a female friend.  Even the smart sister is portrayed as not being complete until she has a boyfriend on the show.  The two Moms on the show are just as competitive with each other. How about American Housewife?  That shows literally shows awful behavior among the women, with hints of violence. Forget about Disney and Nick shows, most of them are the same.

I’m not blaming the media, although it doesn’t help. I think the first step is to acknowledge this ugly secretive truth.  On a personal level I have seen and experienced different varieties of mean girl and mean women behavior.  Whether it was watching girls steal each other’s boyfriends, or working in the corporate world where women treated each other not so well, and as a Mom in Mom’s groups where there was outright mean behavior.  I also have known and experienced wonderful female friendships.  There are strong women who stand up for each other and teach their daughters the same.  Women who have empathy, compassion and strong boundaries.  Women who don’t care if they are “popular” and are teaching their daughters the same.

It’s time to stop pushing the topic to the side and calling it “girl drama”.

It’s time to teach our girls kindness, self-esteem and standing up for each other.

It’s time to stop gossiping about the co-worker who is probably better at her job, and it’s definitely time to see what is happening around us.