3 am.
quiet. too quiet.
time is standing still. the universe knows.

urgency.
eyes open.
search something to focus on
paralyzed.
an eternity passes. or seconds.
what’s the difference

nononono

toes move.
good.
toes move, legs move.
good.
out of bed.
now.

breathe. breathe. breathe.

i can’t.

fucking breathe.
you have lungs.
breathe. i cant.

lights on.
bright.
search for something to focus on. can’t.
empty black room.

the light.
where’s the light?

my eyes are open

all i see is darkness

pray. pray. pray.
save me, i don’t want to die.

please

silence

silence in the darkness

my mind is loud
so loud
mind racing

still.cant.breathe.

living room. now.

remember your tools.
what tools
why can’t i remember my tools

breath work.
breath work isn’t working.
i can’t fucking breathe.

darkness.

yoga. stretch.
heart opener.
nononono.

i can’t breathe.

meditate.
panic.
can’t breathe.
why can’t i breathe?

inhaler. yes,
that will work. medicine.
puffpuffpuff

fuck. can’t breathe still.

nononono

panic.
i’m dying i know it.

fuck

breathe.

read.
read a book, distraction.
re read every word.
searching for relief.

still.cant.breathe.

i’m dying.
this is it.
hospital. now.

nononono

wait

more tools. remember.

oil pen.
i see it.

inhale.

wait

relief.

i can breathe.
i’m alive.

tears. tears. tears.

why
why can’t i control this
why is this happening
what is wrong with me

nothing.
nothing is wrong with you.
it’s all in your head.
remember. your tools.

you are alive. you can feel your toes.
your chest rising
belly falling
you are alive.

you are in control.
you are here.

nothing is wrong with you.

fuck.
you.
anxiety.