Do you ever encounter people that just seem to bring out the worst in you?

I’m not talking about just snide remark or an obvious eye roll. I’m talking about the version of yourself where you think, ‘I know I can be better.’

While it is sometimes easy to avoid people like this, other times it cannot be done. And other times it feels like Groundhog Day and people like this come back to you again and again.

When I am in these situations, it’s like I can feel the knot form in my stomach and the hairs raise on the back of my neck. I usually like to think of myself as kind and compassionate, but in times like these I feel a primal defensive aggression come out and constantly feel like I have to stand up for myself. It’s as if my inner Hulk is emerging.

This bothers me on a few different levels. First, it’s just not a good feeling. It brings a lot of discomfort and I find it takes some time to unwind back to normal after these encounters finish. More so though, is that it bothers me that I get sucked into this negative energy vortex seemingly every time I interact this person.

No matter how much self-work I do on staying present and expressing gratitude and trying to be the bigger person, the outcome is always the same.

To quote Pema Chödrön, “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”

So, Universe, I ask you, ‘What lesson are you trying to teach me?’

After much reflection, I begin to notice that each time this occurs I find that where I thought I had made space, I am a little stuck. Where I thought my heart was unguarded, I find there are some defense walls still up. Where I thought I was open, I find I am closed. Point being, where I thought I had done the work, I find more work to do.

Just like all of us.

We are all a work in progress and there is always more work to do.

Maybe that’s the lesson.

So I keep working. I keep breathing, I keep listening, I keep coming back to my mat. I try to be more open and keep believing that everyone else is fundamentally good and is also working on themselves trying to be their best.

As much as it bothers me to have these encounters, a part of me begins to look forward to them because I know that these are the true moments of growth.

It is only when we step outside our comfort zone that growth really occurs.

Stepping into discomfort is scary and frustrating and often the harder path to go down. But every time I do, I am so glad I did. I may not notice a change right away or even the next week, but I can look back at myself over the years and see that all the moments of uncomfortable situations I have put myself in have been worth it. The change truly is transformational.

That’s why I continue doing it.

I continue to put in effort and move forward, knowing that moving forward includes taking steps backward sometimes. It’s important to treat these times not as a setback, but more like a dance within yourself, a cha-cha of sorts.

It’s important to keep dancing. Even, perhaps especially, if it means coming face to face with your inner worst demons.