I’ve been feeling empty lately. Not in a depressed way, but there just hasn’t been much to fill me up in the monotony of summer. Moving miles from a place where neighbors were wonderfully true-blue friends and yoga was exciting and fresh and the studio was like home has me just a bit empty. I am FULL ON mommying it right now with my 3 kids without any stay-at-home mom friends to share the day with. It’s HARD. It’s the one of the hardest things I’ve done. No, I didn’t take my village for granted because I genuinely love them all, but there is something to be said for having that village at your fingertips when you need them. In those long silent spaces when you are staring out the kitchen window thankful for all you have, but feeling depleted at the same time. Or for those times when it’s not silent and you know if there was just one neighborhood kid over, everyone would settle the fuck down. Or how about the days when you give give give and make their day SO FUN,  and you think to yourself “when we get home they are going to settle down and watch a show and I can get some work done.” And then your three-year-old is still up your ass and that doesn’t happen. That’s when I start to lose my shit and that’s when being a mom is the hardest. Kids don’t know give-and-take and I’m grateful that I get to be there mom and show them the world day to day, but right now I’m feeling empty.

I’m grateful for this emptiness because I know that in time, it is going to fill in just the right way. I feel like a clean slate. I am ready to look, feel, and observe, and only then, will I let myself fill up with exactly who and what it is I need.