Years ago, I came across an article which talked about meditation. The writer had experienced how using meditation, she connected back to her soul.  It was like a home coming for her.  

Just a brief overview, and I was eager enough to scroll. ‘Soul connection!’ -it sounded to be an alien term to me. It can happen only to sages and saints. No! It’s not for you, for me, it’s their world! 

It’s not that I did not believe in God, but I never had time to connect to the Universe. For me, God was only there when I had to crib and I needed someone to blame. ‘You don’t love me eh? I did not get this job? Why? Why are my things not getting sorted?’ 

I turned blind to all the good things, and would curse my destiny for all the bad things happening.  

I was not living my life, rather crawling through it. 

I remember, someone once told me about a miraculous story of how she got a job. I made fun of him showing in all the logics and calculations behind his success. Miracles does not happen, not on this earth at least! 

In short, I was someone who believed that I am here to live forever, old people have always been old, you can exploit your body for whatever reason you can and it would say nothing, and you are here on this planet to work, get married, have kids, get them married and die! 

Life changed after I miscarried. Not everything looked the same! 

Losing the first child was bad. Also, it did not fit my sequence of marrying, and having kids. There was physical trauma, and a mental one too though I did not realize it then. 

Weeks later after my appointment with my doctor, I was heartbroken only to know that my baby had heartbeat. I felt like a part of me was lost. The thought that it was more than a flesh hit me hard. 

I restlessly looked for some relief, for an answer to my questions! 

Why did this happen to me? 

Is there something more beyond this life? 

Can things change so suddenly for anyone? My friends still have the same happy life though! 

If the sequence of my life is not the one, I thought of or not the one everyone does, why am I here? 

While everyone in my friend circle was planning for kids, switching jobs, and having fun, I was trying to solve the puzzle of life. 

I still remember the day, I closed my eyes for praying. This time, it was different. It was not to curse the universe, not to ask something from God, and not to lure him by saying, ‘I will do this if you give me this.’ 

I just kept quiet.  

I got a strong surge of emotions. It was different, it was divine. The flow of energy I had never experienced before! There were emotions I wanted to vent out but beneath it was something very calming, very peaceful. 

Those few moments of calmness were enough to understand what a soul connection meant. Those moments of stability had an unsaid communication with me saying, ‘Things are Okay. You will be fine. Everything will be fine.’ 

I started looking for more of those moments. It was like something I had never experienced before. Though it did not have answers to all my questions, it gave me something I craved for. 

There I started learning more about meditation. With 3 months of continuous practice, I could understand what is meant by ‘Home coming’. 

A calmer mind would give all the space to question my existence. With time, I learnt about how powerful prayers could be. I was widening my spiritual dimensions by meditation, prayers, reading books, writing. 

There was more to life than to just run for a 9-5 job, have kids, and die! 

I learnt that everything which makes you feel lively is like a soul food. And we are here to see colors of life, learn from the mistakes, awaken our buried creativity and make the best of what life has to offer! 

I do not regret my past, I do not regret not knowing what life was about, for whatever happened paved the way for where I am, and I am really proud that I am moving, and growing.