This time I’m in too deep.

I want to breathe but I just can’t.

I’m 15 meters under water. I got here on one breath. I have never been this deep before. To the professional free diver, this is baby steps. But I have just pushed myself to the limit.

Every inch of my body is screaming “Breathe!”

(In Australia we use the metric system. So, probably the wrong phrase… but “Every 2.5 centimeters of my body screaming!” just sounds stupid!)

I have taken one massive breath and ducked dived down into the murky depth off the island of Gili Trawangan, Indonesia. It’s an overcast day, the sea state has the water stirred up and visibility is poor. My diaphragm has started to convulse. My body is telling me I have high Co2 levels. I just want to breathe. I can’t react to my feelings. My feelings are telling me “Breathe!” But I can’t breathe here, I’m 15 meters under the water (F*#k it! I’m sticking to metric… Work that out in feet, if that’s what blows your hair back!)

I’ve reached my limit. I turn around. I still want to breathe but I’m elated. I’ve never been this deep. My movements are slow and deliberate. I must be relaxed. I must be Zen As F#*k. I can’t panic. If I panic I will use more of my precious oxygen stores. If I rush, my heart rate will increase. Which will cause me to rush and panic even more. Everything around me gives total justification to panic. But if I panic, it will literally kill me. I must relax. My emotions or what I “feel” like doing, just can’t factor in. My emotions or feelings won’t dictate my actions.

I know what is true. I understand the science of what is happening to my body. I will not believe the lies that my  mind is telling me. My diaphragm is convulsing, I know this is OK. I know I still have plenty of oxygen. I let my mind wander to positive places. I focus on happy thoughts. I know I’ll survive. I relax and slowly kick my legs as I start to ascend. I will make it to the top. I will breathe again!

Sometimes in life we feel we can’t breathe. Everything is against us. It’s a natural reaction to get anxious and panic. In fact, looking at where you are and what is going on, you might be able to totally justify your panic.

Don’t panic. Stay calm. Slow your heart rate. Remember what is true. Think of the positive. Meditate on what is good. Don’t let your surroundings dictate your reaction. Control your mind set. Make your way back to the surface and breathe again. The air is there. It’s all around you. You will be OK!

My short adventure into free diving has taught me that I can survive on less. I’ll be healthier in mind and body. I don’t need to be busy and stressed. I can change my mind set. I will come out the other end of whatever trials life throws at me. I will Breathe!

Note: Freed diving is awesome. Always do it with a qualified person and never alone.