It is advised that when someone is going through a rough time that we take a moment to simply sit for a spell and listen. We do not offer advice or attempt to fix the problem. We simply sit down and shut up. We offer phrases like,
“I am so sorry, that must be so difficult.”
“Wow! What an asshole!”
“Oh, hell no!”
” That bitch is cray.”
” No, it is not right.”
” Let it out, girl!”
“Deep Breaths”
“Here break this!”
You know, helpful things. I am a fixer which I often reference. Sometimes a fixer just needs to allow people to work things out on their own time and allow them to find solutions that feel right for their situation. Fixers need to let go of being helpful in their way and offer empathy without taking on the emotions of the other person. Um, hard. Especially when we are protective! The best things we can offer are our time, our ear and our understanding.
I had a friend listen to me for months when I was going through the roughest moments of my life. She answered the phone anytime I called. She called me back immediately. She fed me. She took care of me mentally and physically. She showed me what it was to truly be there for someone. She also told me when it was time to seek other outlets and options when my hurt was becoming her hurt. When she began to cry or get angry because she felt my pain. She woke me up so we could both take care of ourselves. I can not explain how much she means to me. I now strive to be this way. She taught me so many lessons about grieving and empathy that can only be learned when they are felt.
If you have a friend like this make sure they know how much they mean to you. I have not seen her in over a year yet I know we are inseperable in heart and spirit. I am lucky enough to have a few of these diamonds in my life. They become less of the lable that is a friend and more like someone who has entered our heart as family, but for now this particular moment is dedicated to just one of those special people. There are some people who will always remain with us no matter how our live’s change.