Do you ever feel frustrated when things don’t go your way? Do you ever find yourself trying to change other people’s behaviors or decisions? If you’re feeling like you want more control at work, at home, or in your relationships, the way to achieve this, ironically, lies in gaining more control over yourself.

A Lesson from the Classroom

If you’ve ever sat in a classroom and observed the students with different teachers, you will likely notice something intriguing. With some teachers, the children act out, talk over the instructor, and show very little respect. These tend to be the teachers that lack confidence, trip over their words, and will sometimes yell and scream at the students in an attempt to regain control.

Then, there are the quiet, self-assured teachers that walk with determination and speak clearly and with well-chosen words. When these (often senior) teachers enter the room, they instantly command the students’ respect and admiration.

Earning the Same Respect in Your Everyday Life

Just like the classroom, being respected in any other aspect of your life begins with taming your inner world. If you struggle to take charge of your thoughts, how can you expect to exude strength and confidence to those around you?

Meditation is an excellent way to regain control of your thoughts and emotions so that you can respond calmly to everyday situations rather than reacting out of fear or frustration. While lashing out at those who surround you on a daily basis, whether it be family, friends, or colleagues can sometimes be the easiest reaction to turn to, it’s not the most productive.

1. Meditation Teaches You to Pause

The first and most important way meditation can help you to regain control of yourself is by teaching you to pause. Remember being told as a child to “count to three” if you’re feeling angry or upset? The idea with meditation is somewhat similar. 

A Mental Discipline that Translates into Everyday Life

When practicing meditation, you force yourself to take time out and breathe—no matter how busy or stressed out you are. As thoughts come in and out of your mind, you train yourself to refocus on your topic of meditation (a word, phrase, or guided meditation audio track), acknowledge other thoughts as they enter your mind, and let them pass without judgment or evaluation. 

This mental discipline of stopping, breathing, and focusing is essential for clearing your head in a tense situation and being able to see things more objectively. Then you can respond in a way that is calm and based on rational thinking rather than a defensive or passive-aggressive attitude that seeks mostly to protect yourself.

2. Meditation Helps You to Focus Your Thoughts

In a crisis or moment of interpersonal tension, it’s very important to be able to focus on what is going on so that you don’t miss key information and create misunderstandings. 

According to research, meditation can help you to improve your focus and redirect your thoughts. As you practice focusing in your daily meditation session, you may find yourself listening better and remembering more of the conversations you have with family, friends, and coworkers. This increased focus on those around you could help to make you more attentive to their needs, feelings, and perspectives and less likely to explode when things don’t go your way.

3. Meditation Can Make You More Compassionate

A specific type of meditation—known as kindness-based medication or KBM—works on increasing feelings of compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. Through guided sessions and specific exercises, the participants first learn to show kindness and compassion to themselves. They then work on extending these feelings to their loved ones, acquaintances, and, ultimately, to their enemies.

Kind Thoughts and Feelings Can Improve with Practice

A review of KBM trials showed that the more effort and time that was invested in this kind of meditation, the greater the positive feelings of compassion and kindness experienced by participants. The study also showed that KBM could be difficult in the beginning but did get easier with time.

By learning to be gentle on yourself and forgive yourself for your errors, it can become much easier to be gentle on others and realize that we all make mistakes.

Positive Relationships Start with You

We all want the people around us to change. It’s just human nature! But by disciplining our minds and reactions through meditation, we can be the change that others are hoping to see: 

• Do others comment that you’re too impatient? Meditation can teach you to stop and wait. 
• Do you sometimes struggle to see other people’s points of view? Meditation can help you to improve your focus and really understand what the other person is trying to say. 
• Do you notice that you beat others up when they make a mistake? This often comes from an inability to forgive yourself—both of which can be improved through kindness-based meditation. 
• Have others described you as narrow-minded? Meditation can help you to adapt and consider new possibilities.

Once you have the right tools, positive relationships and a feeling of being more “in control” could be right around the corner!