Meeting your partners friends or family for the first time is an anxiety filled event. Guys are at a disadvantage, and in most cases you don’t know them for any other strangers that exist. In many ways you’re on a boat, by yourself, in the middle of the sea with some sense of direction. Things are slightly different when you’re the only Black man in the room. Often there isn’t a clue or a sense of direction; your navigation equipment doesn’t work and your maps are in crayon.

When I meet other Black or Latino families, I’m instantly at ease. There’s a bond through the common threads of our cultures. Certain phrases or ideas are easily communicated, and I’m already familiar with existing traditions. There isn’t the need to look over my shoulder, watch everyone’s actions. I don’t have to second guess the meaning to words or phrases. Often, I can just, be myself.

The most complex aspect of interracial dating is sense of unease when you meet “the family”. Every minority (Black, Hispanic, Asian, etc) has seen the ugly face of racism. In many ways, it’s become a fact of life. When I date outside of my ethnicity, part of me expects a moment of dissatisfaction from her friends or family when they meet me for the first time. While it’s horrible to expect a poor reception, I’ve been blinded by racism far too often, not to always expect its ugly face to appear when I lest expected. Something in the back of my mind, without my knowledge, expects to hear a racial slur, or racially charged comment; even if the chances are slim to none. The expectation is born out of fear. Fear of not knowing a families customers, background or traditions. Outside of the person I’m dating, there isn’t a connection between me and them.

This issue is a double edges sword. While I may feel awkward meeting my girlfriends family, many times the situation is just as awkward when she meets my family. If you don’t speak Spanish, you will be at a disadvantage, as it’s the first language for a majority of my family. Hispanic events have a lot of talking, extended family members gathering, and re-connecting. Many times, most of this happens in Spanish than English. If you don’t have a grasp of the language, it’s easy to get lost and confused. Add language to the fact that she’ll be the lone wolf in the room, and the situation could turn into a lonely one.

This experience often feels like you’re surrounded, but it isn’t always negative. Most friends and families, understand the dynamics of being the lone wolf. Many times they see that as bravery or confidence. While thoughts and racial attitudes will not change anytime soon, there’s two takeaways I’ve learned from often being the only Black or Hispanic in the room. Primarily a good partner will support, and ease your worries. It goes beyond saying “my family is nice” and “you’ll like them” but recognizing that you’re alone without any support. They are your support. A good partner will recognize this and prepare you ahead of time. They know their family, friends, and culture better than you. Their support and preparation are two ways they will help you navigate through the waters, making you feel not so alone.