I want to be a mother

but I know
I still have inner work to do
before I bring another life
to this Earth

there are shadows I must face
cords I must cut
loose ends I must tie

I need to fill my black holes
not with others
but myself

I don’t want to project my insecurities
onto my future children
living vicariously
through their lives

instead, I want to nurture

I want to nurture my child’s curiosity
teach them kindness
allow them to fail

I want to raise a human who cares
not only about themselves
but about humanity
earth
water
air

someone who isn’t afraid of their fire
and is here
to light the matches
of the dark souls
who are lost in longing
and hiding in the shadows

I want to raise a human
who has a sense of belonging
in themselves first
and then creates community
everywhere they arrive

I want to be a mother
because I want to leave the world
a better place than I received it
to birth another guardian of the earth
and protect all that is sacred

to birth the next generation
of light keepers
is my dharma
and this is why
I choose to roll up my sleeves
and get down
into the muck of my madness
and examine my own toxicity

I must pull the poisoned stinger
out of my heart
before I bring another life
to this already suffering world

I want to be a mother
but there is work to do

~