I once saw a quote by Aristotle saying “A friend to all is a friend to none.” I posted it on my Instagram account, September 28, 2018. This is a truth I have lived my life abiding. There is nothing truer than knowing you cannot be friends with everyone. 

   Is it better to have three good friends or sixty fair-weather friends? This has been a question for many discussions as well as facebook and Instagram posts. Can you trust a person with several friends or do you believe they are, quite possibly, talking to others about you behind your back? Telling other so-called “friends” your personal business and secrets you would rather not have known to the masses. I choose to go with the latter. You cannot trust a person who wants to contend with the accommodations, obligations, and commonalities of everyone. Why is that? Why can one not stay neutral? Ask anyone who has been in the middle of a conflict with two friends. There will always be conversations when two of your friends are at odds and you will always end up speaking unpleasantly about one friend to the other. 

   Why is it that a therapist cannot treat family members and the family members of patients? Or why police officers cannot work in areas where they live? You cannot have it both ways. There is a conflict of interest. A “neutrality” cannot be kept. It needs to be recognized that not everyone is going to like you, and if this fair-weather friend prides him or herself on being everyone’s companion, be wary that you will come up in conversations with them in the company of someone else, even if the “someone else” is not your enemy. This “someone else” can be your acquaintance or someone you have never met. 

   So why is it some people still feel the need to be everyone’s friend? I would have to conclude that one who feels it necessary to be a “friend to all” has a very self-serving need. They are less empathetic and stand on a selfish platform. Perhaps they like the gossip it fuels. And although we may stay friends with these types of people, the people who are “friends to all” need to be kept at a distance: arm’s length. Be mindful of what they may be doing without your knowledge. Pay attention to actions not only words.

   Some of these types of friends relish in making others feel excluded and creating turmoil. They enjoy a feeling of power as if this is the one thing in their life they can control. “Friends to all” may enjoy making people feel as though they, themselves, have influence and can use it against you, but if you stay in their good graces, they can use their self-proclaimed influence in your favor. They can even take what you say at times and twist around the meaning or change the context. They can repeat this conversation to any one of their many “friends”. The inconsistencies in the stories they tell you are just the tip of the iceberg. You will also hear circular stories that make absolutely no sense. You will question why is it you can’t understand. 

   “Friends to all” cannot be relied on and will never admit to doing any of these misdeeds because they still want to retain a friendship… with you. They cannot stand the thought of someone being angry with them and proceeding to tell others the “friend to all” is not a friend at all. In fact, they are a bad friend or even a bad person. They want to be seen as everyone’s confidant. 

   Conceivably, these people are lonely in their own respect. By having all these friends, they are filling a void in their own lives. It makes them feel worthy and special as if they have a purpose by being well-liked. This stems from a low sense of self, they are not sure who they really are. They have an emptiness; a pining in their soul. 

   To uncover the true motives of a friend, I suggest allowing friends to make their own choices without giving guilt nor offer direction. Watch their actions and examine their judgments. See how they treat and converse about and with other comrades of theirs. This is how you can gauge trust. 

   Now, inevitably, intuitively there is a realization that we are not all perfect. Everyone makes mistakes here and there, but patterns of behavior should be detected. I am not talking about those that are only being friendly or kind to others. Cordiality and politeness are cornerstones of humanity. I am talking about these that brag about having tons of friends. Those that show no moral compass or loyalty to friendships. Friends that show no hesitation when it comes to breaking bread with those that have wronged you because they feel this other person has done nothing wrong to them or they possibly have a want that needs to be fulfilled. People are driven by egotistical behavior. A significant difference exists between being respectful and being opportunistic.

 But maybe, just maybe these “friends to all” serve a purpose. Since they do know many people, they can help with social interactions, job opportunities, networking and, at times, good old fashioned fun. Feasibly, we should take them for what they are, not technically our friends, but not our enemies either. Although remember to hold them at arm’s length. However, they have treated you, whatever they have done, take a mental note and put it into, what I like to call, “the file”.