Being broken does not mean you’ve failed.

At some point in our lives we were told “practice makes perfect” and whether we cared much for that theory or stood by it religiously, it was there, lingering in the back of our minds, a fall back answer to all our failing moments.

In an odd sense, I’ve thrived off accepting imperfections in several different forms, and without realizing it saw them as perfections.

I accepted that life doesn’t always go as planned, but have always prided myself on finding the silver lining to whatever storm seemed to be present in my life.

I have undoubtedly picked myself up, mended my heart, and smiled through it all.

I became proud of my resilience and courage to a point where even I forgot what it felt like to really feel broken.

The truth is, it was more painful than I remembered.

The struggle between happiness and sadness not only created anger so deep, it caused me to feel a rift in my relationships with everyone around me, but most importantly my true self.

During hardships in my life, I would lean on those who knew me best as many of us do, but during this particular moment, I felt myself running from that option. Those who knew me well, knew that I would be okay, that I would smile away my problems and move forward, but that is not what I wanted.

What I wanted was to feel the pain that was breaking me, to rip it apart and understand where it was coming from, what it meant, and why now?

I spent a lot of time questioning everything I thought I knew about myself, challenging my decisions, regretting my lack of decisions. I feared the time I knew it was going to take for me to feel better, and the time it was going to take to get to where I wanted to be in my life. For lack of better terms, I felt that I had failed myself.

You see, I had spent some serious time believing that I knew me, that I was sure of myself and everything I was doing. While I can’t completely discredit these feelings, I do believe that we never truly know ourselves completely, that it is a journey we continue to embark on for the rest of our lives.

So, life decided it was time for me to have a reality check, break me down so that I could learn how to build myself back up.

Regardless of the factors in our lives that contribute to a breaking point, they serve as a purpose, an initiation of their own, holding open a door that most of us would not necessarily choose to go through, therefore the choice was made for us.

It is a reminder to us all that during moments of uncertainty and dismay that we owe it to ourselves to listen to our feelings, to really dig deeply into understanding the root of where they are coming from, and to really treat ourselves with kindness.

It may take wisdom and courage from within to rebuild what we know, but in the midst of that, we may find that what we know has now changed, and change although scary at times, can be exciting, and okay, because it often times is the start of a new beginning.

Know that we are surrounded by others who are living in the same realm of challenges, that our imperfections are what make us whole, regardless of the stigmas.

That is where I am now. I am still broken, but I have not failed.