This thing that lives inside me

Me

Me living inside me

Damaged me

Childhood me

Me who has driven away the people i knew would always be there 

Me who made them leave me alone

The same me that would give anything to see those faces again

I hate it, i hate that part of me but i can only become more intimate with me.

Through these tears will be happiness and meaningful friendship. 

Through this pain will be a life better lived

Though it is hard to not slip into thoughts of “how long will i have to fight?”

How long will i have to fight myself to free myself

How long will i live with the me who begs the feeling of escaping me

Like a constant game of chicken, fuck i hope i survive me.