Last Sunday I left my home early in the morning with no plans. Everything was wiped off the calendar. ZERO commitments. I set an intention to follow the guidance of my inner compass, and see how the day would unfold – right here in my home town of Los Angeles.

I found myself heading west towards the beach. Apparently everyone else in LA had the same idea, and traffic was almost at a standstill. Unperturbed, I held in mind a parking space within two blocks of the beach, and voila, a car pulled out. I slipped off my shoes and walked south along the water’s edge until guided to lie down.

As soon as my body relaxed onto the sand, a strong presence came to me. I felt goosebumps as I recognized that it was the spirit of my mother. As many of you know, my mother committed suicide over thirty years ago, and our relationship up to – and after – her death was conflicted and painful. One of the few places where we experienced joy together was at the ocean.

I could feel pure radiant love emanating from her spirit. The breeze caressing my forehead felt like the touch of her hand. Almost immediately the last few lingering threads of ‘mother trauma’ I’d been holding onto dissolved. The realization came that my mother had adored me, even though her ability to demonstrate that had been severely limited.

She believed that taking her life would free me, and my brother, from the burden of her suffering. Her final act was one of love.

Joy suffused through my whole being, as I realized I have – and have always had – a mother.  All the gifts I thought I’d missed out on as an ‘orphan’ are fully available to me. I feel like I got back my long-lost best friend.

I left the beach and continued to follow my inner compass. The rest of the day was full of surprising connections – and just as fun as my out-of-town trip a month ago! Best of all, I felt the grace of a mother’s love accompanying me on my journey.